


Fable Wasn't Fiction

by controlofwhatido



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Angst, Barebacking, Facials, M/M, Rimming, Slight Comeplay, Some Alcohol Use, slight edging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 04:50:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1213339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/controlofwhatido/pseuds/controlofwhatido
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of how it started. And ended. And started again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This spans from the Glee Live tour (summer 2011) to the summer of 2013. I _mostly_ kept to the timeline, with some embellishments and inaccuracies for the sake of the fic. Title and chapter headers are all from various songs written by Darren. Fic includes brief mentions of past Darren/Theo Katzman (also includes mentions of Mia  & an OC that pertain to the storyline, but no actual relationships are involved).
> 
> Thank you to [lokicorey](http://lokicorey.tumblr.com) for the amazing trailer, which can be viewed [here](https://24.media.tumblr.com/491128d4be9face114e002a917c8640d/tumblr_n19muoqYsW1qlujf1o7_250.gif)  
> Thank you to [freakingpotter](http://freakingpotter.tumblr.com) for the amazing art to go along with this fic, which can be viewed [here](http://freakingpotter.tumblr.com/post/77386931312/here-is-my-collaboration-for-the-crisscolfer)
> 
> So many people to thank, because this took an army. [Cass](http://hysterekial.tumblr.com), for running the CCBB with me, and for holding my hand every step of the way while I wrote this. [Mandy](http://alittledizzy.tumblr.com) and [Tina](http://idoltina.tumblr.com) for your input and encouragement along the way. And to [Luckie](http://luckiedee.tumblr.com), because without you, I would never have been able to publish this. Thank you for helping me go to war with Chris, with commas, and with the pacing... hopefully it all paid off. And to [Deej](http://djchika.tumblr.com), who helped me make the epilogue extra cheesy - please forgive me. Hugs and kisses to everyone.

_…it was real to you, it was real to me…_

“Do my eyes deceive me? Is the elusive Darren Criss actually home during the day?” Joey made a big show of pinching his arm. “Nope, I’m awake. Dude, you owe me a movie marathon and I’m totally cashing in if you’re not about to head out the door.”

Darren was about to make his own big show of getting up off the floor and acting like he was going to leave, but decided that was way too much effort. He gave Joey an easy smile and waved his arms in a grand gesture toward the TV. “Don’t jinx it, Joseph, but I think I have the day off. Go ahead, good sir.”

“Schweet,” Joey said, appeased. He jumped over the arm of the couch and the springs groaned under his weight when he landed. One of these days, Darren figured he’d buy them a new one. “So,” Joey said, stretching his arm out to the side table for the remote. “What should we start with?”

Darren shrugged, not really caring what Joey chose. It was nice to have a few hours to just shoot the shit. His ass sort of ached from sitting on the floor but he still had a pretty good view of the TV and Joey was taking up the entire couch.

“Doesn’t matter to me, man, I’ll watch – “ Darren was startled out of what he was saying when his phone chimed with a text. He looked down at the screen and smiled, immediately grabbing it to respond.

“You’ll watch…” Joey trailed off with a huff. “Okay, not many people can grab your attention that fast. Let me guess – “

Darren shot off another text and glanced up at Joey, who was looking at him with teasing eyes. “Chris was just – “

Joey sat up straighter on the couch and pretended to swoon. “Don’t you mean _Chris Colfer, TIME’s 100 most influential – “_

“I do not _say_ it like that, you asshole,” Darren scoffed. His phone buzzed again with another message. Chris was sending him random stream of conscious plot ideas while he was blocked on a certain chapter and it made Darren’s belly squirm happily that he was usually the only one on the receiving end of these sorts of texts.

“Yeah, _okay_ ,” Joey said, grabbing a bag of Cheetos off the coffee table. “And he totally didn’t take you as his _date_ to that thing, and you two _don’t_ flirt all the time – “

“I was not his date,” Darren said with a shake of his head. “I was just there to support him. He was nervous, okay? Most everyone else was fucking busy, dickhead. And we do not _flirt_.” He would know if they did. Right? Yeah. Chris definitely never flirted with him – he would _notice_ that.  

Joey flicked a Cheeto in Darren’s direction, but it barely made it past the end of the couch. “Are you really that blind? Did cutting off all of your hair make you lose brain cells, too? Dude, you get like all, fucking dumb around him.”

Thinking back, Darren didn’t really know when it started, but lately he had been spending most of his time with Chris – able to talk about almost anything and everything, seeking each other out for different opinions. Darren didn’t even talk to Joey as much as he talked to Chris.

Darren sighed and thumped his head against the wall. He was in trouble.

“Why don’t you just tell him you’re in love with him?” Joey said around a mouthful of Cheetos.

Darren tossed his left shoe at Joey’s head. “Fuck off. I’m not… in _love_ with him. And he – no. It’s nothing serious. I’ll get over it. He doesn’t feel the same.”

“Are you sure?” Joey asked, squinting. “Because from where I’m sitting, it’s pretty clear he gets a little moony-eyed over you, too.”

“He does not, and neither do I. I think you need your eyes checked,” Darren said with a scoff, but his stomach still twisted nervously at the thought.

“Whatever… don’t believe me.” Joey tried to throw the shoe back, but missed spectacularly, hitting the wall off to the right of Darren’s head. “Balls,” he said, scowling. “Used to your fro, dude. Anyway. Just put on the ol’ Criss charm, you’ll be in his pants in no time!”

The shoe had landed just out of Darren’s reach and he was much too lazy to bend over and get it, so he took his other one off and threw it at Joey, this time hitting him right in the arm. “Have you _met_ him, asshole? No, I – if we – and that’s a _big_ fucking if – he deserves high class, wooing, romance.”

“Damn,” Joey said, whistling. “I haven’t seen you like this over anyone – guy or girl – since – “

“I know, man. I know… _fuck_.” Darren closed his eyes and scrubbed a hand down his face. “He’s just – I can’t even fucking explain him.” ~~~~

Joey sat there and stuffed a few more Cheetos in his mouth. “Does he even know you’re into guys, too?”

Darren winced and shook his head. “No I’ve never talked to him about it. It’s – never really come up.” Joey knew all about work, and his manager, and the _image_ they want to create – or whatever. Darren didn’t really mind for the time being. He was pretty go with the flow. Trying to explain his sexuality to the general public would be… well, not many people would understand. So he just went with it, for now. “Everyone thinks I’m straight.”

Joey snorted and then started coughing. “Cheeto – “ cough, “down the – “ cough, “wrong pipe. _Shit_. Yeah, you’re one hundred percent straight. And I was dreaming that time I walked in on you taking it up the ass from – “

Darren sent a sharp glare across the room that made Joey snap his mouth shut, his hands raised in mock defeat. “Doesn’t matter, anyway. He’d never go for a guy like me,” Darren said, raising one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.  

“Why not, dude? You’re pretty hot, for a short guy.”

“Chris is…” Darren trailed off, aimlessly scratching the back of his head. “He’s special. I’m just this asshole from San Francisco.” His floor was usually littered with underwear and socks until he absolutely had to do his laundry. The only time his hair was combed was when it got done for work. He had written some pretty fucked up songs. No… Chris was way out of his league.

*

Waiting. Darren had to do a lot of it, and it wasn’t something he was necessarily good at. He couldn’t just take off after tour rehearsals with the Warblers – he had to stick around and wait until they were ready for him to run-through with the New Directions group.

Though it did give him some time to find an empty room and catch up on some sleep. At least until one of the doors banged open and startled him awake.

“Oh – sorry.”

Darren looked up through sleep-blurred eyes and saw Chris standing in the doorway. “Nah, do you need the room? I’ll move.” His glasses were… somewhere on the floor beside him, and he could vaguely see that Chris was still in his warm-up clothes.

Chris glanced out into the hallway before slipping into the room and closing the door behind him. “I was just going to – “ He let out a short laugh and crossed his arms over his chest. “You really can sleep anywhere, can’t you?”

“Comes in handy when your roommates are fucking idiots,” Darren said, grabbing his glasses so he could slide them back on, and he hauled himself up off the floor, arching his back until it cracked. “Did you want me to leave, or…”

Chris eyed him and set his bag down, moving over to setup his iPod dock. “Unless you want to be subjected to me butchering the ‘Single Ladies’ dance, you’re more than welcome to leave. Zach said I need to work on…” He made a clearly annoyed hand gesture. “Hip movement.”

Darren gulped and looked away, watching Chris in the mirror as he set up the music. He had purposely been avoiding any sort of run-in with Chris while he rehearsed for this because, well. Ill-timed boners were fucking annoying.

 “Maybe I could help?” Darren blurted.

A slight flush filled Chris’s cheeks and ears and he looked at Darren with curiosity. “What, you suddenly feel like channeling your inner Beyoncé? I’m not quite sure how you’ll be able to help. You don’t even know the dance.”

Darren let out a sharp, embarrassed laugh and he lifted his left hand to rub the back of his neck. “Why don’t you just run through it once and I’ll offer feedback?” He didn’t want to explain that his dick thought it was a good idea for him to stand there and watch Chris’s body move.

“Yeah, because _this_ won’t be awkward,” Chris said and rolled his shoulders. “Zach said I’m not… moving my body enough to show an entire arena. I haven’t done this since… shit, feels like forever ago.” He met Darren’s gaze for a moment before he cleared his throat and looked away.

“It’s just me,” Darren said softly, trying to tame his stomach that was twisting into knots. “I’ll start the music and you just… fucking go for it, man.”

Chris’s lips twisted into one of his _okay I’ll amuse you_ smiles and as soon as Darren hit play, he started moving. Darren tried to watch with a critical eye, but with all the hip movement, the kicks, and Chris’s sweatpants stretching across his ass – Darren was way too fucking distracted. “Stop – stop… just, stop right there.” He paused the music and came up behind Chris, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “I can see exactly what Zach is talking about.”

Chris huffed and folded his arms across his chest. “It’s like I told Zach. I’ve grown, like – a ton since last year. My body just… I don’t move like that anymore. We should just cut it.”

“No, _no –“_  Darren said while he stepped a little closer. “Can I?” He held each of his hands out by Chris’s waist, showing his intent.  

“I – “ Chris hesitated for a brief moment before nodding, and Darren noticed that the back of Chris’s neck was flushed.

“Let me just –“ Darren wiggled his fingers and gently placed them on Chris’s hips, above the waistband of his pants. “Okay, first…” He pushed on Chris’s hips, forcing them to move back and forth. “You definitely need to loosen up a bit. Your movements are too… tight, too forced.”

“I didn’t expect a hands-on demonstration,” Chris said, letting his arms fall to his sides, his hips keeping up with Darren’s movements. He eyed Darren warily in the mirror, the rest of his body stiff while his hips moved.

“S’how I fuckin’ roll,” Darren mumbled and cleared his throat. “Eh, now. Try to move with me.” He started circling his hips, dragging his hands in the same motion, singing _if ya like it, then ya shoulda put a ring on it_ softly under his breath. They looked ridiculous in the mirror, but Chris _was_ moving a little better. Now, Darren just had to continue on without popping a boner and basically grinding against Chris’s ass.

Somehow, by the time Darren had repeated the phrase three or four times, Chris’s body had started to relax and his hands covered Darren’s. Darren had stepped even closer to Chris – they were so close, their bodies just inches apart. Darren was still rolling his hips with Chris’s, both of them murmuring the lyrics softly to themselves.

Chris leaned back, just slightly, so his back was touching Darren’s chest. His eyelids drooped as his voice trailed off to a whisper until he was no longer singing, then his hips fell back against Darren’s while they rocked together.  

Darren’s hands trembled and he squeezed his eyes shut, his breath stuttering in his chest. “Chris – “

Suddenly, Chris’s body jerked away from Darren’s. “Wow, shit. What am I doing? Forget  – we s-should…”

It took a moment for Darren to shake off the stun from Chris pulling away from him so fast. “No… just. Fuck, come back here,” Darren said, taking a deep breath and opening his eyes. He reached out and took Chris by the hips, tugging him back flush against his body. Feeling Chris relax, Darren slid his arms completely around him, one arm low around his waist, the other higher around his chest. “Chris… you have _no_ idea…” he trailed off, guiding their hips in a circle again.

“Darren, you’re not – “ Chris said, and Darren could hear the surprise and disbelief in his voice. “I don’t – “ Chris started, then turned his head toward Darren’s.

Darren could feel Chris’s breath puffing against his cheek, so he turned to face him, their lips close enough to kiss, if he leaned in just a fraction of an inch. “What would you do, if I kissed you right now?” he whispered, the hand on Chris’s chest slowly moving up to his collarbone, their hips slowing.

“I’d ask you what the _hell_ is going on,” Chris said, pulling his head back a little. “None of this… makes any sense!”

The door handle jiggled and they both sprang apart, like someone had lit a fire under their feet. Lea pushed the door open and poked her head in. “ _There_ you two are.” She glanced back and forth between them for a quick second before making a _hurry up_ gesture. “Everyone is waiting in the other room, let’s go!”

“Fuck, okay,” Darren said, laughing uncomfortably while Chris busied himself by grabbing his iPod. “Be there in a sec.” He waited till she closed the door and reached out to brush his fingers against Chris’s wrist. “Are we - ?”

Chris jerked his arm away and didn’t meet Darren’s eyes, his shoulders tight and stiff. “Let’s get going.”

Darren watched Chris walk away and he fucking knew he never should’ve never done that – should’ve just walked right out of the room. There wasn’t even any time to try to talk, or explain, because they had to go right to rehearsal. Life was a fucking bitch sometimes.

*

Darren could never seem to find a good time to talk to Chris once the tour started, and it was easy for Chris to avoid him for the first four shows. They were on different buses and the only time they had to interact was on stage – and that was as _Kurt and Blaine_ – though even then Darren could see Chris’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Whenever Darren saw Chris backstage, his nose was buried in his laptop, fingers typing away, so Darren turned right around and went the other direction. The only exception was when they ran offstage each night after their skit; more than once, Darren caught Chris looking at him like he wanted to say something, but Chris would always glance away when he realized he was caught.

They had a day off between San Jose and Anaheim, and he really wanted to talk to Chris – alone. He had to fucking fix this, somehow. Put it all past them, act like it never happened, or something.

Ashley was almost always by Chris’s side after shows, but Darren managed to catch him right after he changed back into street clothes. “Chris, hey – just. Can we? C’mere for a second.”

Chris turned around and looked at Darren over the rims of his glasses, eyes tired and impatient. “They want us on the buses in ten minutes.”

“No I know,” Darren said, nodding his head. “I – my mom’s here. She’s driving me home, for the night. I was hoping, actually – that you’d come too? So we can talk? They said it’s okay, as long as we’re back in time for the next show. Which we will be, she’ll drive us back before sound check.”

“There’s nothing for us to talk about,” Chris said stiffly.

Darren’s heart sunk seeing Chris so closed off and cold. “Of course there is. We need to talk about… the other day, and why you’ve been avoiding me since. And I need to explain.”

Chris huffed out an impatient sigh and rested his hands on his hips. “I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve been busy.”

“Bullshit,” Darren scoffed, looking down the hallway to make sure no one was coming that could overhear them. “The only time you’ve said more than… two words to me was on stage, and that doesn’t count. Chris, c’mon. You know we need to do this.”

“Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to say no to you?” Chris asked. He leaned against the wall behind him, his lips twitching like he was trying to hold back a grin. “I have a deadline I need to meet by tomorrow. I have to write all day.”

“You’re not going to be able to say no because my mom makes a fucking killer omelet breakfast, and I’ll give you plenty of time to write,” Darren said, bouncing slightly up onto his toes.

After a few beats, Chris hitched his laptop bag higher on his shoulder and gestured for Darren to lead the way. “You’re right, we do need to talk.”

After Chris thanked Darren’s mom for driving them – finally agreeing to calling her Cerina after she insisted – he was quiet for the rest of the trip. The only sound in the car was Cerina singing softly to herself as they drove along the highway.

By the time they pulled up to the house, Darren had nearly fallen asleep, and Chris looked almost dead to the world. They grabbed their bags from the trunk and Darren gave his mom a kiss goodnight before showing Chris up to the guest bedroom.

Suddenly Darren felt like he was walking on eggshells. Even though this was technically his parents’ house, it still felt like _home_. Chris was in his _home_. It meant something. He just didn’t know what it meant, exactly.

“So, uh. I’ll let you get some sleep – and then we can talk, in the morning? After breakfast. You don’t want to miss mom’s omelets, you’ll love them.”

The smile Chris gave him looked strained, and Darren hoped it was just from being tired. “Sounds great.”

“Great,” Darren parroted, nodding. “The uh… the bathroom is down the hall, to your right. All the towels and stuff are in the closet behind the door. I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Goodnight,” Chris said, already unzipping his laptop bag.

Knowing that Chris was right down the hall should’ve helped Darren sleep better, but the fact that Chris was _right down the hall_ – well, Darren slept like shit. He tossed and turned all night, trying to figure out exactly what the fuck he was going to _say_. He couldn’t read Chris at all – was it a good idea to tell him everything? Nothing? Just push all of his feelings aside and put the whole… incident behind them? All of those options basically sucked – because none of them got him what he wanted – _Chris_. But, was that ever an option in the first place? Probably not.

Waking up to the sounds and smells of his mom making breakfast was one of Darren’s favorite things. He managed to roll out of bed, tossed on a t-shirt, put some sweatpants on over his boxers, grabbed his glasses, and made his way down to the kitchen, finding Chris already up and chatting with his mom.

“Good morning sweetheart,” his mom said, tilting her cheek out.

Darren took the hint and gave his mom a kiss before trying to steal a piece of bacon off a plate on the counter. He was immediately slapped away and scolded. “Sorry – I’ll wait!” he yelped, turning to Chris who was watching the exchange with amused eyes. “Good morning.” Warmth filled his belly just seeing Chris in his pajama pants and what looked like a very soft t-shirt, glasses perched high on his nose.

Chris’s eyes flicked up to the top of Darren’s head. “Nice bed head.”

His mom laughed and reached up to try to pat down his hair. “You should’ve seen him when it was longer, Christopher. He thought bedhead was a good look on him.”

“Thanks a lot mom,” Darren said, scoffing as he pulled away from her. He sat by Chris at the counter and nudged him with his elbow. “Sleep okay?” he asked softly.

“Yeah… you still look tired though,” Chris said, cocking his head slightly. “Did you not sleep?”

“I’m fine,” Darren said, brushing Chris’s concern off. It felt good just to have Chris _talking_ to him. “Got time for me after breakfast?”

Chris nodded. “That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”

Before Darren could answer, his mom interrupted, letting them know breakfast was ready and they should get it while the food was still hot. He was happy to see Chris pile his plate with everything – he knew as much as Chris loved food, sometimes he just got too busy and forgot to eat.

“Oh my god,” Chris moaned, chewing his first mouthful. “You weren’t kidding. Cerina – this is amazing. Thank you so much for cooking.”

“Oh it’s no problem. I’ll always cook when my boys come home,” she said, reaching out and covering Darren’s hand with her own.

After breakfast, Darren shooed his mom away from the dishes, offering to do them himself, and Chris volunteered to dry. They worked in awkward silence, the only sounds coming from the water and the dishes clanging together.  Darren’s mom came downstairs before they finished and waved goodbye before she left to go shopping – emphasizing that she’d be gone all day so they had plenty of time to themselves.

“Where’s your dad?” Chris asked suddenly, breaking the lull in communication.

“Oh,” Darren said, handing Chris a plate. “Golfing. He’ll be gone most of the day. You’ll see him tonight.”

They finished the last of the dishes, and Darren leaned against the counter, watching Chris fiddle with the towel. “So, your birthday is tomorrow.”

“Yes, Darren. I’m aware,” Chris said dryly. “And we have a show to do, can’t really celebrate very well.”

“I’ll throw you a kickass party as soon as we have another day off,” Darren said. “You deserve legal tequila shots.” Birthdays were never forgotten nor taken lightly by the cast. They’d have something small planned after the show, then something bigger for him the moment they had a chance.

“I think it’s too early in the morning to be thinking about tequila,” Chris said. He dropped the towel on the counter and inhaled deeply, his nostrils flaring. “Should w-we… go outside or something? It’s nice out.”

Darren nodded and led the way to the back porch. It was already sunny and warm, perfect for sitting out and relaxing. He sat in one of the porch chairs underneath the large umbrella, Chris taking the other.

“So,” Chris said, looking out into the yard.

“Chris, I – “

“I don’t even know what to say or ask here, Darren.”

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, Darren turned his head toward Chris and let himself look for a brief moment. Just seeing Chris in his backyard – still wearing his glasses and his hair all sleep-mussed – made Darren’s chest tighten. “Chris… I’m crazy about you,” he blurted – not the first thing he had planned on saying, but his tongue seemed to loosen at times when he was distracted by how fucking gorgeous Chris was.  

Chris’s head jerked slightly in reaction, but otherwise he didn’t move. “I… you never – you’ve never said you were… I’m really confused.”

“I know,” Darren said, nodding. He ran his fingers through his hair, frowning when they got caught in a tangle. “And – I don’t expect anything. We can just… Chris, we can just forget anything happened, okay? I don’t want things to be fucking weird between us anymore.”

“That’s not…” Chris said, trailing off with a sigh. He turned in his chair toward Darren and met his eyes before dropping his gaze down to his hands. “I had such a _crush_ on you when you started – did you know that? But Darren, you are, or were – straight. I mean, I didn’t have a chance. So, I just…”

Hearing that made Darren’s heart clench tightly in his chest. He scooted his chair closer to Chris so he was able to grab Chris’s hand in his own. “I had no idea,” he said, shaking his head. “And – I’m not. I mean. They want me to say I’m straight, but the longest relationship I’ve had was with a guy. Back in college.” He watched Chris’s eyes widen and his chest expand, but he didn’t try to pull out of Darren’s grasp. “I’m sorry I never told you – it just – “

Chris closed his eyes briefly, but Darren caught the hurt he was trying to hide. “I don’t understand – you could’ve told me – you’re what, bi? I wouldn’t have told anyone, Darren… you know that.”

Darren’s posture deflated and he nodded once Chris opened his eyes. “I know, and it’s just… I have no excuse, other than it never really came up. I don’t define myself as bisexual. I like bodies, of all kinds. People are fucking beautiful – so I don’t really try to label myself, you know?”

“Not… really,” Chris said eventually. “But you’re right, it’s never something we’ve talked about.”

“So, what – “ Darren said, clearing his throat. “Uh, you _had_ a crush? As in, not any longer?”

“Of course you would catch that,” Chris said, giving Darren a wry smile. He pulled his hand away and twisted back in his chair, away from Darren. “You know we can’t,” he said quietly. “There’d be no way, Darren. Even if we… did – we’d have to hide, we’d have to lie, because everyone thinks you’re straight. No one would understand.”

Darren knew, of course. Knew all the reasons why it would be a bad idea. “But it’d be worth it.”

There was a moment of hesitation before Chris stood from his chair, walking to the edge of the patio. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, fingers gripping his t-shirt. “What if it gets too hard? I’d probably just end up breaking your heart,” Chris said, strained with a slight shake of his head.

Darren swallowed hard and joined Chris, standing behind him. He shook out the tremor in his hands before he raised them, resting them just on the bend of Chris’s elbows, standing close enough so he could rest his forehead against Chris’s back. “Do you even know… what you do to me?” he whispered. He didn’t want to think about broken hearts and missed chances. He wanted Chris in his arms.

They stood there, quiet, Darren listening to Chris breathing for however long it took for Chris to finally shift his fingers over so they covered Darren’s. “I need some time to think.”

“Right, yeah,” Darren said, going to pull away but Chris tightened his grip over Darren’s hands.

“That’s not a no, Darren,” Chris said softly, tilting his head back toward Darren. “I just… I’m a little overwhelmed right now, and… scared, to be honest.”

Curling up closer to Chris’s back, Darren pressed his cheek to Chris’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Chris felt so good against him, so solid and warm. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. And please, don’t be scared of me.”

“It’s not you I’m scared of. It’s everything else.” Chris huffed out a laugh. “What about, I thought you were with – “

Darren sighed and flexed his fingers against Chris’s arms. “That’s not – she’s just. She’s there when I need her. When they need her for me. We used to, but. Not anymore.”

“Does she know?” Chris asked. He pulled away, turning to face Darren, his bottom lip bite-swollen and red.

“She doesn’t know about you, no. But she knows, yeah.”

Chris glanced quickly toward the house. “Okay.”

Darren took a step back; he could tell Chris needed some space. He rocked back on his heels and nodded, mostly to himself. This was good – things were good. The awkwardness was fading; feelings were there – out on the table. And… Darren just had to wait. For Chris to think. He could do that. “I’m just gonna – “ he said, pointing back at the house. “Probably take a shower, if you need anything… just holler.”

Darren left Chris standing outside, knowing he’d probably be in the guest room typing away by the time Darren was finished with his shower.

The warm water felt amazing against Darren’s back after a shitty, tense night of sleep. He just propped his arms up against the wall and let the water slide down his body for a while. It wasn’t often that a situation left him completely clueless, and at a loss for words. But Chris… Chris fucked up his ability to concentrate on any level. No one had ever made him feel like that before.

He finally startled out of his stupor and quickly washed and conditioned his hair, hoping Chris would want to talk soon to put him out of his misery, because he hadn’t gotten any better at waiting. After drying himself off, he wound the towel around his waist and walked down to his room, glancing at the closed guest room door.

He pursed his lips and debated saying anything for a moment. “Shower’s free!” he called, deciding on something neutral.

“Thanks!” came the muffled reply from inside the room.

Darren stood there, looking at the door for a moment longer before heading into his room. He was too anxious; he couldn’t just sit around doing nothing. After dressing quickly, he gathered his guitar and iPad and went back out to the porch.


	2. Chapter 2

_…no matter hard I’ve tried, my tongue is still tied by you…_

It had been a while since Darren had a chance to sit outside with just his guitar and write. Once he started, he easily lost track of time, not even noticing the minutes ticking by on his iPad display. When the door cracked open behind him, he hit a discordant note and quickly closed the app he was using to jot down lyrics.

“Is now a bad time?”

Darren whipped his head around and saw Chris standing in the doorway, holding the door open like he wasn’t sure if he should come outside. “No – fuck, of course not,” Darren said, shaking his head and setting his guitar down. “I was just…”

Chris stepped outside and slid the door shut behind him, scooting a chair closer to Darren’s before sitting down. “What were you working on? It sounded good.”

“Oh, nothing,” Darren said, waving him off. His leg started bouncing with anxious energy. Chris’s face wasn’t giving anything away, and Darren just… needed to fucking know. “So, um. Did you get some time… to think?”

“I did,” Chris said, giving Darren a tiny nod. He sat, relaxed – so unlike his tense, anxious posture from earlier. A soft breeze ruffled his hair and he quickly ran his fingers through his bangs to push them off his forehead. “My first instinct – was to run. I’ve never done this – and… _you_ – I never expected…” He trailed off and ducked his head when his cheeks started to flush. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking ever since – since that day in rehearsal – “

“…And?” Darren asked, and had to bite back a whine when Chris just smiled at him. “C’mon, you’re sorta killing me here.”

“I know, I know, sorry,” Chris said, laughing. He reached out and grabbed one of Darren’s hands and tugged him to the edge of his chair. “How about you come over here and kiss me, will that give you your answer?”

Darren’s eyes widened and his heart felt like it fucking stopped right in his chest. “Fuck, really?”

“Darren,” Chris said, lowering his voice to just above a whisper. “Kiss me, please.”

Darren felt his stomach flip and he leaned in, reaching up to cup Chris’s jaw. He only hesitated when he felt Chris’s hand tremble slightly in his own. “Are you sure?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Chris answered softly, eyes sliding shut. “I’m just… nervous? A lot could go wrong, here.”

Darren just barely shrugged and brushed his thumb against Chris’s cheek. “Or a lot could go really, really right,” he said right before _finally_ closing the distance and pressing his lips against Chris’s.

He’d always wondered what it would be like to kiss Chris without being in character and having their entire crew watching. For it to be just _them_.

It felt fucking amazing – because there were no scripts or retakes. They were kissing like new lovers. Darren’s heart pounded in his chest as Chris’s soft lips yielded against his own, and he could hear a slight moan get caught in Chris’s throat.

Chris’s mouth parted slightly, letting Darren tilt his head and press into the kiss just a bit more. Darren groaned and swept his tongue over Chris’s, brushing against the roof of Chris’s mouth. A sharp spark of desire flared down Darren’s spine when Chris gripped his hand tighter and pulled him closer, his ass almost sliding off his chair.

“God, _Chris_ ,” Darren gasped, sliding his hand into Chris’s hair. “Do you even know,” he murmured, trailing his lips down Chris’s jaw and up toward his ear.

Chris tilted his head back and pulled Darren’s hand so Darren had no choice but to climb up and straddle Chris on his chair. “I’m pretty sure I do, yeah,” Chris said before running his hands up between Darren’s shoulders and pulling him back into a kiss.

Darren held Chris’s head with both of his hands, his fingers digging into the hair on the back of Chris’s head. He let out a low moan when Chris dropped his jaw enough for Darren to slide his tongue inside again, sweeping it across Chris’s soft palate before pulling back, nipping Chris’s bottom lip between his teeth. “Mmm, taste so good, feel so fucking good,” he said into Chris’s skin as he kissed down to his chin.

“Darren… _Darren_ ,” Chris said, heaving out a shaky breath. His hands slid down to Darren’s waist and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt. “I don’t really want to give your neighbors a show.”

“No one can see,” Darren murmured, shaking his head, pressing his lips against the warm skin of Chris’s throat. “Fuck, you’re so amazing.”

Chris let out a low whine when Darren sucked lightly on his pulse point, his hips bucking up far enough to meet Darren’s. “How – how far are we taking this?” he gasped, hanging on to Darren’s t-shirt with one hand, while the other fell down to right above his ass.

Chris felt – _god_ , so good underneath him, solid and warm and strong. Darren’s cock was hard, pressing against the seam of his shorts, and he – really, really loved being able to feel Chris’s dick rub against his when he lowered his hips.  “Um,” Darren said dumbly, barely able to think. His head felt thick and useless, the only thing he was able to focus on was the soft breathless sighs Chris kept making with every pass of Darren’s lips. He kissed back up to Chris’s ear and sucked lightly on his earlobe, smiling when he felt Chris shiver underneath him. “What’s cool for you?” he asked, lightly thrusting his hips against Chris’s.

“I think,” Chris said, tucking two fingers under Darren’s jaw to pull him back up for a kiss. “It would be a bad idea to have our dicks out if your parents were to come home early.”

“Fuck,” Darren groaned, pressing in for a hard kiss, Chris’s lips opening pliantly under his mouth, then he leaned his head against Chris’s shoulder. “Don’t mention our dicks and my parents in the same sentence. I’m like… _this_ close to coming in my pants like a fucking teenager right now.”

Chris dipped his fingers underneath Darren’s waistband, just barely grazing where his cheeks started to part. “Wouldn’t want that to happen,” he said, pulling his head back a little. “Why don’t we go inside, cool down a bit?”

Darren huffed out a laugh and sat back on Chris’s thighs, his erection pinching uncomfortably in his shorts. Chris had a tight hold on him, keeping him from toppling backwards out of the chair. “So this… we’re doing this?”

“Yeah,” Chris said breathlessly with a big smile, his thumbs rubbing circles into Darren’s lower back. “I think we are. Darren, I… we’ll have to figure out the details later, but, yeah. We’re doing this – I want this. I’ve… “ He hesitated, biting his lip, but shook his head and kept grinning. “I’ve always wanted this.”

Seeing Chris smile with his whole face, his eyes crinkling and his teeth showing, made Darren’s heart swell with happiness. He slowly ran his right thumb across Chris’s bottom lip, pulling it down slightly before letting it go. “Okay, _fuck_ – I need to move or I’m just going to keep kissing you and we may have to revisit that having our dicks out conversation.”

“Maybe we can revisit that later,” Chris said casually, trying to help Darren as he stumbled while sliding off Chris’s lap.

Darren’s dick throbbed painfully at just the… _thought_ of getting naked with Chris. “You can’t just… _say_ things like that,” he said weakly, trying to even remember why they stopped kissing and grinding in the first place, because getting back on Chris’s lap sounded like a pretty damn good idea.

Chris laughed and pushed himself up out of the chair. “I really do have to go in and write… you’re more than welcome to join me. The noise won’t really bother me if you want to keep playing.” He reached up and ran his fingers through Darren’s hair, fingertips rubbing against his scalp.

“Mmm, if you’re sure,” Darren said, smiling and leaning into Chris’s touch. “Can’t guarantee I’ll be able to keep my hands off you if we’re alone in a bedroom together for any length of time.”

“Nope,” Chris said, shaking his head. “Deadline, remember? You have to be good.”

Darren gave Chris an obvious fake pout. “Yes, sir.” He wouldn’t really fight Chris on that one – he knew how important his writing deadlines were.

Chris snorted and grasped Darren’s hand. “C’mon, let’s grab your stuff and head in.”

*

They decided not to tell anyone right away. It would be hard, being in a confined space with the entire cast for another month, but they both wanted time to just… be, before they told their friends.

Ashley found out first. It didn’t even take a day. It didn’t even take a few _hours_.

Darren’s mom had returned them to the arena in plenty of time, even with the extravagant birthday breakfast she prepared for Chris before their drive. After sound check, Chris wanted to write in peace for a while, already having been smothered by half the cast when they arrived with birthday kisses and hugs, and completely brushed off anyone that asked why he disappeared with Darren for a day and a half.   

Darren found Chris in one of the small dressing rooms, already in his first costume, glaring at his laptop screen. “Can I join you?”

Chris looked over Darren’s shoulder before relaxing against the small couch he was sitting on. “Yeah, sure. I’m not making any progress right now, anyway.”

“Don’t worry, I mentioned something about finding you to work on our skit tonight,” Darren said, noticing Chris was still eying the hallway before Darren closed the door. “Should be quiet until you have to get ready to go on.” He made himself comfortable on the seat next to Chris, his side pressed up against Chris’s because the couch was barely big enough for two – which was just fine with Darren.

Chris hummed and leaned his head against Darren’s shoulder. “I know we’re going to get in late, but do you want to stay at my place tonight? I just want to sleep in my own bed, with you.”

“Anything for the birthday boy,” Darren said, ducking his head down for a quick kiss before Chris could protest. They were alone, and the door was closed. Darren could kiss Chris if he fucking wanted to.

Chris surprised Darren, letting his head fall back and parting his lips, then reached up to tug Darren closer by the back of his neck.  

“This could lead to trouble,” Darren murmured against Chris’s lips.

“Maybe I like trouble,” Chris murmured back, sliding his hands down to Darren’s waist in an effort to tug him up on his lap. “Indulge me. It’s my birthday.”

Darren straddled Chris’s thigh and leaned back in, careful not to mess up Chris’s hair while he kissed him, the slick smack of their lips echoing in his ears. “Wish fucking granted.” He was just about to slide his tongue into Chris’s mouth when he heard the door bang open. Before he could even move from Chris’s lap, Chris pushed him to the side, and he landed on the other couch cushion, his legs still tangled with Chris’s.

“Huh. Overstreet owes me five bucks.”

Darren looked between Chris and Ashley, his heart pounding in his chest, mostly from being so startled.

“Ash, can you close the door?” Chris asked. He moved his legs so they were no longer twisted with Darren’s. “Did you need something?”

She looked back and forth between them and shrugged. “Not really, was just going come spend some quality time with the birthday boy. Didn’t expect to see all _that_ goin’ on, but good for you, sweet cheeks. How long you been banging the Warbler?”

“We, uh – “ Darren started, because they weren’t just _banging_. It was more than that. And besides, they hadn’t even _banged_ yet.

Chris placed his hand on Darren’s forearm, interrupting him. “It’s… really new, and we’re still figuring it out ourselves. That’s why I didn’t tell you. Can you keep it to yourself for now – even from Chord? We’re not ready for everyone to know.”

“Of course,” Ashley said, blowing Chris a kiss. “Though it won’t stay a secret much longer if anyone can walk in with his tongue down your throat.”

Darren met Chris’s eyes and gave him an apologetic shrug. “You’re right. We’ll be more careful. Wait…” Darren furrowed his eyebrows and looked back at Ashley. “What – why does Chord owe you five bucks?”

“He bet that I wouldn’t find you two mackin’, when I said I totally would. Didn’t know I’d walk in on a… thing, though. So don’t hurt my Colfer, or I’ll have your nuts,” Ashley said, giving Darren a threatening glare.

Darren nodded and squeezed his legs tighter together. He’d like to keep his nuts safe, and Ashley could be scary. She looked like she could probably kick pretty hard.

“Is that all, or did you actually need something?” Chris asked. He rubbed his thumb across the skin on Darren’s forearm in a soothing stroke. “I’ll be ready on time, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Ashley reached back for the doorknob. “Nah, not worried about you, baby cakes. Just, be careful? Both of you?”

Darren felt like she wasn’t just saying that because of their apparent need to make out in small, closed off dressing rooms. “We will, Ashley. Thank you.”

She left and Chris relaxed against Darren’s side, exhaling loudly as soon as the door closed. “That could’ve been… a lot worse.”

“I’m sorry,” Darren said, itching to bury his face in Chris’s hair but it was already styled so he couldn’t. “That… I  - fuck, I just, I couldn’t help myself – “

“No, no – “ Chris shook his head. “It’s my fault, too. I wasn’t thinking. We need to be more careful, if we don’t want everyone to know. No more making out when we can be walked in on, for sure.”

A slow curl of arousal settled in Darren’s belly, and he leaned in so he could brush his mouth against Chris’s ear. “And what about when we _can’t_ be walked in on?”

Chris’s breath hitched in his chest, his fingers gripping Darren’s arm a little tighter. “How about we find out more about that tonight when we’re alone at my house?”

Darren slowly pulled Chris’s earlobe in-between his teeth, loving the quiet whimper that came from Chris. He groaned and buried his head in Chris’s neck. “That’s hours away, I don’t want to wait.”

Chris laughed and patted Darren’s knee. He slid his fingers up along Darren’s jaw and pulled him close before pressing a kiss to Darren’s mouth. “Tonight.”

“Yeah,” Darren said dumbly, staring down at Chris’s lips. He was glad they had to get on the bus right away to head to L.A. after the show, otherwise they’d all be up all night drinking, celebrating Chris’s birthday. And while that was always fun, he just – _really_ wanted to be alone with Chris.

A few hours later, Darren sat in the front of the bus for the short ride to L.A., body still thrumming with energy from the show, and in anticipation of being in Chris’s bed in an hour or so. The other guys were in the back playing a video game, if the loud blasting noises were any indication, but Darren was too distracted to join them, watching the highway fly by through the window. When his phone buzzed with an incoming text, the vibrations startled him so much he jumped a little in his seat.  

 **From Chris** : _So there are some things that I need to say that I haven’t been able to yet._

**From Chris:** _Things that I couldn’t say in person, but should’ve._

Darren stared down at his phone, his heart lodged uncomfortably in his throat. None of that sounded… good. Chris never was one for heavy conversations over text, so he must be – Darren blew out a sharp breath – he had to prepare himself for anything.

**From Darren:** _Are these bad things or good things?_

**From Chris:** _I’m scared._

**From Darren:** _Of?_

**From Chris:** _Of a lot of things. Of people finding out. Of the wrong people finding out. Of what will happen if the wrong people find out. Of what they’ll say. About me, about you. Mostly about you, getting outed. What is Ryan going to say about this? What is Alla going to say about this? What are Ricky and Michael going to say about this?_

**From Darren:** _Wow, fuck. Okay. Today was stupid, yeah. We’ll be careful. Plenty of people have kept their relationships secrets for years. We can do it, too. As for our people? Fuck, it’s our lives._

**From Chris:** _Darren, you know that’s not true in this business._

**From Darren:** _I’m in this, 100%. Whatever it takes, okay? I want you._

**From Chris:** _I want this, want you, too._

**From Darren:** _Then we’ll just roll with everything else as it comes._

**From Chris:** _That’s not how I work._

**From Darren:** _Would you feel better if we talked to Alla and Ricky soon?_

**From Chris:** _No, but I know we have to. Let’s give it a few more days. Tonight I just want to be with you._

**From Darren:** _We’re almost there. Then I’m going to snuggle the fuck out of you._

**From Chris:** _I was sort of hoping we’d do a little more than snuggling ;)_

**From Darren:** _Fuck, okay. Are we there yet?_

They pulled up to the Paramount lot where their vehicles were parked and Darren made his way over to his own car, tossed his bag in the backseat and waited for Chris.

“They tried to get me to do body shots off of Chord – after I’d already done two tequila shots,” Chris said, amused and flushed as he climbed into the passenger seat. “I told them no, so Dianna did it instead.”

Darren wanted to lean over the gearshift and kiss Chris so badly, but there were still people roaming around, making their way through the parking lot, so he just smiled and started the car. “Your bus sounds like a lot more fun than mine.”

Chris settled his hand over Darren’s where it rested over the center console. “It’s loud and distracting. Take me home?”

Now _that_ was definitely something Darren could do. “Yes, sir.”

*

Darren gave Chris enough time to turn off his alarm system before he took Chris’s bag by the strap, let it fall to the floor, and wrapped his arms around Chris’s waist from behind. “Would I be overstepping if I asked if we could head right to your bedroom?” He brushed his lips to the back of Chris’s neck, humming happily when Chris leaned back into him.

“Mmm, no. In fact, if you didn’t suggest it, I’d just drag you up there, anyway.”

Dipping his fingers underneath Chris’s t-shirt, knuckles brushing against the skin of Chris’s stomach, Darren started walking them backwards toward the stairs. “What do you want tonight?” he asked, tugging Chris’s shirt up.

Chris lifted his arms and Darren pulled it completely off, dropping it to the floor. So much wonderful skin was revealed, and Darren wanted to touch and kiss all of it. He ran his hands up, skimming his palms over Chris’s chest. Sweet tendrils of heat began coiling deep in Darren’s belly, his cock slowly thickening between his legs.

“I want you…” Chris said, chest expanding in Darren’s arms as he breathed deeply. “To take me up to my bedroom and maybe show me what this mouth can do?” He lifted his right arm up, reaching back to thumb over Darren’s bottom lip.

Darren stepped back enough to spin Chris in his arms, eyes taking in the expanse of Chris’s chest, and he groaned. “Gladly, Christopher.” He leaned in for a kiss, Chris’s mouth opening immediately under his. They stumbled back, closer to the staircase, Darren holding Chris tight around the waist while they continued to kiss. “Fuck, wanna get you naked,” he mumbled against Chris’s mouth before sucking Chris’s bottom lip in between his teeth.

“C’mon,” Chris said, grabbing Darren by the hand, and started heading up the stairs. “Want you in my bed.”

Darren followed, staring at the muscles shifting on Chris’s back, wondering how the fuck this was his _life_. Not two days ago he was wondering how the hell he was going to get Chris to even talk to him, now he was being led up to Chris’s bedroom to get naked – _shit_.

As soon as they stepped into Chris’s bedroom and Chris flicked on the light, he seemed to lose the confidence he had downstairs, as he glanced nervously between the bed and Darren.  

“Hey,” Darren said, toeing off his shoes and pulling Chris toward him. “We don’t – we can just go to sleep. We don’t have to do anything, okay? Not if you don’t want to, and not if you’re feeling too tipsy or – “

Chris huffed out a laugh, his cheeks flushing pink. “No, I’m fine, and I definitely want to. I just – “ He wrapped his arms around Darren. “Never really thought I’d have you in my bedroom.”

Darren ran his hands up Chris’s back, up to his shoulders and neck before tangling his fingers in Chris’s hair. “Never thought I’d fucking _be_ in your bedroom, now c’mere,” he said, and before he could pull Chris’s head down, Chris crashed their mouths together, guiding them toward the bed.

“Off,” Chris said with a grunt, twisting his fingers in the hem of Darren’s shirt and yanking it up. They pulled back far enough to toss it to the floor, before kissing again, Chris gasping softly against Darren’s lips. Chris’s mouth was irresistible, his skin warm under Darren’s hands. They shifted, just enough for the backs of Chris’s knees to hit the bed.

“Darren,” Chris panted, letting Darren nudge him down so he was sitting. He looked so fucking beautiful, chest flushed, lips kiss-swollen.

“God, Chris,” Darren groaned, spreading Chris’s legs so he could stand between them. He cupped the back of Chris’s neck with his hand, kissing along the sweet, gorgeous jaw to his ear while Chris whimpered softly. Darren’s balls ached, his cock was hard and confined in his pants, and it would be so easy to climb up on Chris and get them both off that way – just rubbing together – but, no.  He dropped his right hand to Chris’s lap and lightly traced his fingers over the obvious bulge in Chris’s pants, while Chris bucked his hips up underneath the touch.

“Darren – please.” Chris’s chest heaved as he dropped back to his elbows and looked at Darren with hooded eyes. “I n-need – “

Breathing heavily, Darren kissed down Chris’s chest, stopping to suck at each nipple, sucking harder when Chris swore and arched his back. He continued down and pressed a few kisses to Chris’s stomach before he sunk to his knees. “Let me,” he breathed, reaching for the button on Chris’s pants, quickly pushing them down along with his briefs.

Chris was hard, long and thick and curved up toward his belly, dark pubic hair neatly trimmed around his cock, but none on his balls. Darren’s mouth watered at the sight of it, and he leaned his head on Chris’s thigh as he finished tugging Chris’s clothes off his legs.

Chris flopped back on the bed. “Don’t just – _stare_ , do something,” he said impatiently, trying to push his hips up.

“Oh, I will,” Darren said, turning his head to kiss Chris’s thigh. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Darren whispered, kissing closer to the crease of Chris’s hip, and Chris nudged the back of his head with his hand. “Getting there, be patient, birthday boy,” he said, running his left hand up Chris’s other thigh, pausing when his thumb caught right under Chris’s balls. Chris was more beautiful than Darren ever could’ve imagined, and though it wasn’t the first time he had been on his knees for someone, it definitely was the first time he felt this _much_ for the person.

“It’s after midnight, no longer my birthday,” Chris huffed, his cock flexing upward, his fingers tightening in Darren’s hair.

Darren smirked and pulled away. “Oh, well then. If it’s no longer your birthday, then I suppose you don’t need a birthday blowjob.”

Chris craned his neck up just enough to glare at Darren. “Don’t you dare.”

Darren gave in with a grin and wrapped his hand around the base of Chris’s erection, stroking him once before dipping his head down to kiss and lick at Chris’s balls.

“Oh, _shit_ – “ Chris moaned, dropping his head back and spreading his legs.

Darren was sweating, his temples slick with perspiration, and all he wanted to was spend fucking _hours_ between Chris’s legs, devouring him. Chris’s fingers in his hair tightened when he licked the seam between Chris’s balls, dragging his tongue up to the base of Chris’s cock. Darren looked up at Chris through his lashes, giving Chris’s dick another stroke. “You don’t have to hold back, you can fuck my face.”

Chris whimpered, and then cried out when Darren took him into his mouth. “Shit, Darren, feels so good – _suck me.”_

Darren took him deeper, moaning to himself at the feeling of being stuffed full. He’d really missed sucking cock. He allowed Chris to buck his hips, easily letting Chris’s dick slide to the back of his throat, pulling back to breathe out his nose before he was in any danger of gagging. With his free hand, he reached under Chris’s balls and pressed the sensitive skin there, while Chris gasped his name.

“Fuck – you’re gonna make me – “

Darren pulled off long enough to say, “taste so good,” and guided the head back into his mouth, pressing his tongue along the slit.

Chris whined and his hips jerked up, forcing more of his cock into Darren’s mouth. “Oh, I – mmm – “

Small spurts of precome started landing on Darren’s tongue, and he sucked slowly, swallowing around Chris, while Chris moaned and shook.

It was messy. So messy. Chris’s cock was covered in saliva and Darren’s hand slid freely along with his mouth, pumping Chris’s erection, feeling it throb against his palm.

“I’m – so close, oh, shit – “ Chris gasped, his fingers tightening in Darren’s hair, his thighs tensing.

Darren’s heart thumped in his chest while he pulled up to close his lips over just the head of Chris’s cock, waiting for his mouthful. He stroked Chris’s dick quickly, looking up to see Chris’s chest heave, before –

“ _Dare – “_ Chris choked out, and he came.

Moaning while Chris filled his mouth, Darren closed his eyes and swallowed as pulse after pulse of Chris’s come hit the back of his throat. He licked his lips after he pulled off, resting his forehead on Chris’s thigh while he reached down, unfastening his pants as fast as he could and fishing his cock out. “ _Fuck_ \- “ he grunted, feeling his balls tighten already, his dick fat and heavy in his hand.

“No, what – “ Chris tried to sit up, struggling and pushing at Darren’s shoulder. “Don’t – I want to. Let me do that.”

Darren whimpered and let go of his cock, so close on the verge of orgasm he was dizzy with it. He stumbled to his feet and pushed his pants down to his ankles, kicking them out of the way.

Chris’s eyes got progressively wider as he looked from Darren’s face down to his cock, hard and on display from where his briefs were tucked under his balls. “Wow.”

“Chris,” Darren whined, always appreciative of his dick being appreciated but fuck, he wanted to come. He crawled up on Chris’s lap, pushing him back against on the bed and thrust down against Chris’s pelvis.

Chris got his hand between them and wrapped it around Darren, fingers squeezing nice and tight underneath the head. “How do you like it?”

“Shit, shit, _yeah_ ,” Darren panted, lifting his hips enough for Chris to have room to move and for him to be able to fuck Chris’s fist. Christ, he was so close – and _fuck_ , Chris’s fingers around him felt good. “Gonna come all over you.”

“Yeah, do it,” Chris said, quick and breathless.

Darren tucked his sweaty forehead against Chris’s neck, elbows planted on the bed, framing Chris’s head. He felt his balls tighten and he thrust into Chris’s hand, fingers clawing at the sheets – his nerves were screaming until he made an incoherent noise and came, collapsing on Chris and smearing his come between them. “Jesus, _fuck_ , Chris.”

Chris slid his hand out from between them, and wrapped both arms around Darren’s back. “That was – “

“Fucking amazing and we should do it again as soon as possible?” Darren finished for him, smiling into the skin of Chris’s throat. He shifted in closer, adjusting so his knees weren’t almost slipping off the bed.

Chris laughed, tightening his arms around Darren. “Can we consider that after we move? I’d prefer it if we weren’t about to fall off the bed.”

“Talk about killing my afterglow,” Darren said with mock hurt. He pushed himself up with a grunt and rolled over onto his back, tugging his briefs down and off his legs. After a quick swipe with his underwear against both of their bellies, Darren tossed them to the floor and crawled up to the head of the bed before flopping onto his side. “C’mere, lover boy,” he said coyly, crooking his finger at Chris.

Chris rolled his eyes and sat up. “Yeah, just let me – “ He pointed toward his dresser.

“No, hey,” Darren said, reaching out to grab Chris’s wrist. “I just had your dick down my throat, you can totally sleep naked with me.”

Chris looked at Darren with careful eyes for a moment before nodding. He reached under the pillows and pulled the bedclothes down, forcing Darren to move from his comfortable spot so the sheets underneath him could be pulled down, too. “You make a compelling argument,” Chris said, crawling into bed and covering them both with the top sheet.

Turned out, there wasn’t much sexier than a post-orgasmic Chris Colfer. Darren took in his flushed cheeks and chest, his mussed hair, his lips that were still red and slightly swollen from all of their kissing, and if Chris’s eyes weren’t drooping shut, Darren would definitely try to talk him into a second round. “C’mere.” He held his arm out, waiting for Chris to get the hint.

“I’ve never… “Chris trailed off, scooting closer to Darren and shifting down on the bed so he could rest his head on Darren’s chest. “I’ve never spent the night… with a guy. So this whole, naked in the same bed thing, to sleep? Is – it’s new.”

“Well, Christopher,” Darren said, ducking his head to press a kiss to Chris’s forehead. “I’m _very_ happy to be your first naked overnight cuddle buddy.”

Chris yawned and weakly hit Darren in the chest before rubbing his hand up over Darren’s sternum. “Can I ask you something?”

Darren made a questioning noise and ran his fingers lightly between Chris’s shoulders. “Is this about who is going to get the lights? Because I call not it on that one.”

“What? No, I can just – “ Chris rolled out of Darren’s grasp long enough to turn off his bedside light, shrouding the room in darkness. He settled back against Darren’s chest and hesitated for a moment, before hitching his leg over Darren’s, his soft cock pressing against Darren’s hip. “Who was he? I mean… your last boyfriend?”

“Oh,” Darren said, surprised “His name is Theo. We went to Michigan together.”  Darren yawned and pulled Chris closer, arousal gone and fatigue taking over.

“Why’d you end it?” Chris asked softly.

Darren shrugged and closed his eyes, right on the brink of falling asleep. “He graduated and was gonna move to New York – I was going to move to L.A. after I graduated. Yanno, same ol’. We’re still damn good friends.” He felt Chris nod against his chest and that was enough to keep him conscious enough to stay in the conversation. “Why do you ask?”

“Just… curious if you were still friends or not. We should sleep. We’re going to be exhausted tomorrow,” Chris said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Mmhm, Theo’s my bud. Goodnight,” Darren said, feeling Chris’s body relax against his. It felt so fucking good to have Chris curled up against him, to fall asleep with Chris’s hair tickling his chin, that he was pretty sure they’d have to figure out how to have the same hotel room for the rest of the tour. 


	3. Chapter 3

_…folks may try to laugh and make a fuss and try to make shit hard for us, but darling i don’t care…_

Two weeks. Two fucking weeks and Darren was about to go crazy. Being in a secret relationship when everyone was packed together like sardines sucked – they could never figure out how to be alone together without anyone finding out. They couldn’t even celebrate Chris’s book deal properly.

Darren was pretty sure his conversation with Ricky had spooked Chris a little. Every time Darren tried to even casually sit by him, like they had done plenty of times before, or joke with him when everyone else was around, Chris would find some excuse to get up and sit somewhere else. Darren understood – it just… sucked.

Ricky had flat-out tried to tell Darren no. He went on and on about image, but before he could get too far into how it would ruin what they were trying to build if it ever got out, Darren hung up on him. He also ignored every text and e-mail Ricky had sent since.

He’d play their games, show up with who they wanted, when they wanted, but he wasn’t going to let Ricky – or anyone – keep him away from Chris. He only needed to make sure Chris _knew_ that. They just needed more than two seconds alone together so they could have a real conversation.

He never thought it’d be Ashley giving them more than two seconds, especially after the big show she’d put on when they were boarding the plane to Toronto about absolutely needing to sit by Chris.

“Here,” she said, sidling up next to Darren while they were waiting in the hotel lobby and slipping something into his palm. “Don’t say I never did you any favors.”

“What…” Darren trailed off, watching Ashley walk away before looking down at his hand. He was holding a keycard with the number 1524 on the envelope, which matched the one he was carrying in his pocket, except his said 1556. A jolt of excitement shot through his belly, and he looked around the lobby to see if he could find Chris – but from what he could see, most everyone had already gone up to their rooms.

He grabbed his luggage and ended up in the elevator by himself. Once it stopped on his floor, he wandered down the hallway until he found 1524. He almost felt like he should knock, but after a few seconds of debating, he slid his keycard through the lock and the light turned green.

“Hey there,” Chris said, looking up from where he was unpacking his laptop.

“Wow,” Darren said, closing the door quickly behind him. “Wow… you, and I? Same room? Both nights?”

“Looks like it.” Chris smiled, walking over to where Darren was still standing in the hallway by the door. “C’mon, you can put your stuff down. No one is going to bother us.”

Darren let Chris take his suitcase and backpack, still shocked that they were going to be able to spend _two fucking nights_ in the same bed. He almost thought he should pinch himself to make sure it wasn’t a dream. He whimpered and cupped Chris’s face in his hands, crashing their mouths together.

Chris answered with a groan, lips parting and tongue brushing against Darren’s. He carded his fingers into Darren’s hair and gave a gentle tug, forcing Darren to lean his head back slightly and just accept Chris’s deeper kisses.

When they pulled apart, Darren’s lungs were aching and his pants felt tighter. He blinked away the dazed feeling and stared up at Chris. “Fuck.”

“Mmm, much better,” Chris hummed, taking one of Darren’s hands in his. “I asked Ash for this. We almost always room together, and she’s going to stay with Dianna and Lea tonight and tomorrow – they have mani’s and pedi’s planned. I figured… we need it? I need it. I’ve _missed_ you.”

The air rushed out of Darren’s lungs in relief and he all but collapsed into Chris’s arms. “Fuck, I’ve missed you too. I thought – I know you’ve been freaked out over the whole Ricky thing, and we haven’t been able to really _see_ each other – “

“I talked to Alla,” Chris said, tightening his arms around Darren’s waist. “Before we boarded. She… we had some book stuff to talk about, and I just… it all came out. I told her everything.”

“And…?” Darren asked, closing his eyes, his pulse fluttering nervously against his throat. He knew how much Alla’s opinion meant to Chris. He didn’t think they’d… _end_ it, if Alla said no, like Ricky did. But if she didn’t approve, Darren didn’t want to think about what Chris would have to do or say.

Chris was silent for a few minutes, just breathing along with Darren. He nodded like he was steeling himself before pulling back, but he didn’t start until Darren opened his eyes. “She wasn’t happy, not really. It’s not a smart _business decision_ to date a ‘straight coworker’ – her words, not mine.” He rolled his eyes and pulled away, walking toward the bed. “She didn’t say we couldn’t – not that I would listen, if she had, Darren. She just… and we know this, we have to be discreet.”

Darren let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “If it gets me this?” he said, motioning at the space between them. “If it gets me you? Then I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“She did say one thing that I agreed with,” Chris said, the corners of his lips twitching upwards into a smile. He walked around to the side of the bed and started pulling the sheets down.

Darren kicked his shoes off and went to help on the other side. “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

Chris crawled across the bed on his knees to meet Darren and cupped Darren’s face with his hands. “If we don’t want anyone to find out about us, you have _got_ to tone down these heart eyes. When I told her about us, she wasn’t surprised at _all_.”

“I have… no idea what you’re talking about,” Darren said, his voice dropping to a whisper as Chris pulled him in closer. “Not a fucking clue.”

Their lips met and Darren squeezed his eyes shut, feeling Chris’s mouth open up beneath his. He grabbed Chris’s waist with both hands and lifted a knee up onto the bed so he could push Chris back onto the bed. When their kiss broke, Chris let out a soft whimper and slid his fingers into Darren’s hair, pulling him back in as soon as his back bounced against the mattress.

“Fuck,” Darren mumbled against Chris’s lips. “Missed you.”

Chris arched his back underneath Darren, his legs falling open on either side of Darren’s waist. “Need you,” he moaned, licking across Darren’s bottom lip before darting his tongue inside Darren’s mouth.

“Yeah… _yeah_ ,” Darren said, reaching back over his shoulder and pulling off his shirt. He looked down at Chris and grinned while Chris ran his fingers up Darren’s chest.

Chris let out a frustrated noise and tugged Darren back down by his neck and into a kiss, then skimmed his hands back down to Darren’s waistband and fumbled with the button. “Mmm, can’t wait,” he whined.

They weren’t going to make it much further like this, Chris’s hot breath puffing against Darren’s lips, his fingers brushing against his cock while he worked to get his pants undone. “Me neither,” Darren groaned, shifting his hips and sighing in relief when Chris tugged his cock out. “ _God_ , you too.”

“I know, I know,” Chris huffed impatiently, knuckles bumping against Darren’s cock while he unzipped his own fly. “Shit.” He shoved his pants down enough so his cock bounced out, slapping against his belly. “This – this is gonna have to be enough.”

Darren nodded, blood running hot and fast through his body, pooling down in his groin. He propped himself up on one elbow near Chris’s head and reached down to grab both of their dicks in the other hand. “Oh fuck,” he moaned, dragging his lips against Chris’s jaw and thrusting his hips down. “ _Fuck_ , Chris.”

“Shit, it’s just been – “ Chris gasped, fucking his hips up into Darren’s hand. He let out a choked-off whine and grabbed on to Darren’s hips, his hands yanking Darren down harder against him. “Gonna come, need to – “

Darren let go of their cocks to slam his hand down on the mattress in an effort to hold himself up. They were rocking the bed so hard he could vaguely hear it shifting against the wall over the blood rushing through his ears.

When Chris came, his body seized beautifully, his fingertips digging into the flesh of Darren’s backside, and he panted a loud _ah, ah, ah_ into Darren’s neck, his cock pulsing, covering both of their stomachs in come.

The wet slide against his cock and Chris still clinging to him sent Darren right over the edge. He found Chris’s mouth, crushing it under his before his lips went slack and he groaned and shuddered as he came. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, his cock still weakly jerking through his orgasm. “Mmm,” he hummed happily, tucking himself in against Chris’s shoulder.

“Yeah that was – “ Chris said breathlessly, running a hand up Darren’s back, before he froze. “Ew. Um. You need to move. And – grab a towel.”

Darren propped himself back up and looked down at Chris’s pinched face. “Why, what’s wrong?”

Chris kept perfectly still and managed to grimace further. “The pool of jizz on my stomach is threatening to spill over onto the bed any second now, and I think some might be dripping down to my ass.”  

“Oh, shit,” Darren said, his eyes widening. He carefully got off Chris, noticing just how _much_ come was  on Chris’s abdomen and smeared all over both of their dicks. He shucked off his pants the rest of the way and gestured toward the bathroom. “Yeah, I’ll uh – be right back.”

After Darren got the worst of the mess wiped off with a damp towel, Chris suggested they shower. At first, Darren thought he meant take separate showers, until Chris grabbed Darren’s hand and pulled him right into the bathroom.

By the time the water was warm and they had washed each other’s hair, Darren was hard again, so Chris sunk down to his knees and took Darren’s cock into his mouth.  He wrapped his hand around the base while his lips stretched around the shaft, groaning while he bobbed his head on Darren’s dick until Darren couldn’t take it anymore and was teetering on the edge of orgasm again.

Darren tugged on Chris’s hair while his toes curled against the tile. “P-pull off if you don’t want – “

Chris swirled his tongue around the swollen head of Darren’s cock and sat back on his heels. “Want to come on my face?” he asked, pumping his hand over the entire length of Darren’s erection.

“Fuck – yes?” Darren whimpered, looking down at Chris’s damp face, the water hitting his shoulders and running down his back. Darren bit his lip hard and weakly slapped his hand against the wall of the shower for support as he came, spurts of come landing on Chris’s nose, cheeks, and lips. “Oh sweet _fuck_ , you look – “

Chris stood up and pulled Darren into a kiss, dipping his tongue into Darren’s mouth. “I don’t know – where that came from. I’ve never – I was just, down there, and I thought – “

Darren cupped Chris’s face in his hands, pushing them both back so Chris could rinse his face off. “I hope you’re not trying to apologize for that. Because, I am _definitely_ not complaining.” He felt Chris’s cock nudge his leg and he dropped his hand down, lightly brushing his fingers around the base. “Now… what do you want?”

Shaking his head, Chris pulled his hips away. “That was just for you – I like getting you off.”

“And I like getting _you_ off,” Darren said with a wink before shutting the water off. He stepped out and grabbed a towel for each of them, getting momentarily distracted at a _naked_ and _wet_ Chris all over again, even though his cock was in no shape to get hard again.

Chris just smirked and continued drying his body off. “C’mon, hurry up and I’ll let you be the little spoon.”

That made Darren spring into action. “You know just the way to my heart, Christopher Paul Colfer.”

Chris looked up from drying his calves. “Don’t you forget it.”

*

The tour was wrapping up before Darren felt like he could blink. They were finishing their stretch in England, ready to head to Ireland, and Darren was excited as _hell_.

Ashley had only been able to swing the room-switch a couple times since Toronto – and those nights were fucking amazing – but Darren wanted Chris all the time. Constantly breathing the same air as all their other cast mates and trying to hide _them_ was getting frustrating.

On stage, it was easier. Darren could get away with slight touches and glances and play it all off because they were still _Kurt and Blaine_ on stage. But, he wasn’t – not really. He just… he wanted to _touch_ Chris, and that was the only way he could in public – and doing it in front of thousands of people who had no idea? Sorta thrilled the hell out of him.

As soon as they landed in Ireland, Darren felt it. Irish blood ran through his veins and he felt a sense of _home_. He wanted to grab Chris in his arms and kiss him right on the mouth, but he settled for a loud _whoop_ and jumped onto Riker’s back, giving Chris a big smile across the hallway.

He was disappointed when Ashley didn’t sneak him her room key after they got to the hotel. These were the last two shows of the tour, and they were in _Ireland_ , and Darren wanted to fucking spend all his time with Chris – he was almost ready to just say to hell with it and tell everyone just so they could spend the night together.

His cell phone was in his back pocket, and he could feel it vibrating, but his hands were full, shuffling his luggage into the room he was sharing with Jon. When he was able to fish it out of his pants, he had five texts, all from Chris.

**From Chris:** _I wish I could take you out._

**From Chris:** _On a date._

**From Chris:** _You should come to my room (365)._

**From Chris:** _Did I mention I have a single?_

**From Chris:** _Get your ass over here._

Darren didn’t even bother responding; he shoved his phone back in his pocket and grabbed his luggage again. “Change of plans, uh – you have the room to yourself tonight, enjoy!”

Jon looked up from his phone and shrugged. “Whatever, dude. Have fun.”

If the roommates he had abandoned were suspicious at all, he didn’t give a fuck. He hurried down the hallway and knocked on Chris’s door as soon as he was in front of it.

“Took you long enough,” Chris said, opening the door with a smile.

It _didn’t_ take long for them to end up naked on the bed, Darren’s throat slightly rough from when Chris shoved his cock in a little too deep. He figured he’d order some tea later to try to soothe it so he could sing the next day, but right now he had his boyfriend naked in his arms, so a sore throat was the last thing on his mind.

“If Mark and Harry didn’t hear you just now, then they need their hearing checked,” Chris said, his fingers scratching over the hair on Darren’s stomach. “We weren’t exactly… quiet this time.”

“Eh, fuck ‘em,” Darren said. He shifted onto his side and swung his right leg over Chris’s thigh. “I’m tired of this sneaking around bullshit. I’m sure the guys already think I’m boning someone when I ditch them like this, anyway.”

Chris snorted out a giggle and shook his head against Darren’s arm. “Boning, how classy.” His chest expanded when he took in a loud, deep breath and he rolled onto his back, the sheets pulling down to his bare hips. “They’re going to lose their minds when they find out it’s me.”

It was times like this, when Chris was still sex-flushed, almost completely carefree, and smiling up at Darren that Darren felt like he was almost bursting at the seams to say – _it_. He was pretty sure he felt it, _had_ felt it for some time, he just – he didn’t want to say it if Chris wasn’t on the same page. Or even in the same book.

“If they heard me, they heard me shouting _your_ name,” Darren said, not sorry at all.

“You’re going to get us into trouble someday,” Chris said, arching his back and pushing up on his arm just enough to press a kiss to Darren’s jaw. “I should write – can you get me my laptop?”

Darren glanced over to where Chris’s laptop bag was propped up against the opposite wall, all the way on the other side of the room, and then looked back at their legs, still mostly intertwined underneath the thin sheet. “Why should I go get it? Once you open that thing, I’m just going to get ignored for the rest of the night.”

“Because,” Chris said, dragging the word out. “I asked you to?”

Darren tried to give Chris a firm, no-nonsense look but it took him about two seconds to give in with a laugh and haul himself off the bed. He shook his ass in Chris’s direction when he bent over to unzip the bag, earning a whistle from Chris. He looked back over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised. “See something you like?”

Chris palmed his cock, staring blatantly at Darren’s ass. “Yeah, I definitely do.”

Smirking, Darren pulled Chris’s laptop and power cable from the slim bag and spun around, his cock already slightly plumper from just that little tease. “You could have it, you know. But nope, you want to write all night and ignore me,” he said with a dramatic flair, placing Chris’s computer on his lap then crawling back up beside him.

Chris turned quiet. He pushed himself up until he was sitting against the headboard and fiddled with the end of the power cord for a few moments before finally plugging it into his laptop, the other end still on the bed between his knees. “You know… I’ve never – “

Darren was busy looking around, trying to find which outlet Chris put the adapter in – one of the first things he _always_ did in every overseas hotel room – but he stopped as soon as he heard the softness in Chris’s voice. “Never – what?” He scooted his ass back so he was sitting hip-to-hip with Chris, and he carefully slid the computer from Chris’s lap to the foot of the bed by their feet.

“I want to, with you,” Chris said, a flush filling his cheeks. “You’d be my first – I’ve never. I haven’t ever gotten close to a guy – or trusted a guy well enough to do that.”

“Oh, Chris,” Darren said, leaning in for a quick, hard kiss. “Any time – you just say the fucking word – I’ll be there. Or here.” He hummed a little, going in for another kiss. “Just – say when.” He pulled back and looked at Chris, arousal settling deep in his groin at just the _thought_ of being filled by Chris’s cock.

“Definitely not when Mark and Harry can overhear us through the wall,” Chris said dryly, reaching down for his laptop. He grabbed the end of the power cable and leaned over the side of the bed, giving Darren a peek of his pert ass, then sat back up and slouched against the pillows. “But… soon?” He bit his lip and looked at Darren with bright eyes.

“Soon sounds like a good time to me,” Darren said, sliding down on the bed so he could bury himself into the pillows and blankets. He figured he might as well pass out for a while, because once Chris started typing and got into his _zone_ , he pretty much forgot about the world.

Chris sunk his fingers into Darren’s hair, fingertips rubbing slowly over Darren’s scalp. “Hopefully a _very_ good time.”

*

“So, _do_ you like Irish boys?” Darren asked, tugging Chris aside and out of the way so no one could see them as soon after they ran backstage and handed off their microphones.

Chris tugged on Darren’s Warbler blazer before looking around quickly – then pressed his mouth against Darren’s, pliant and damp. He pulled back, just barely, his breath still puffing against Darren’s lips. “God, I’ve wanted to do that all day.”

Darren let out an incredulous laugh and kissed Chris again, Cory’s voice booming through the speakers above them. “What has gotten into you today? You’re so… flirty. I fucking love it.”

“I don’t know!” Chris grinned, the sweat on his forehead shining in the dim light. They both heard the crowd erupt in cheers as soon as ‘Jessie’s Girl’ finished. “We need to get changed – before someone comes looking for us.” He ran his fingers down Darren’s tie and gave a little tug. “Meet me here tomorrow, too. I think I want this for a little souvenir.”

Darren gave a mock salute and said, “yes, sir,” before following Chris down the hallway to the quick change room. They had to be fast about changing into their last costumes, but it was worth it.

*

Darren couldn’t tell if Chris was pissed at him or not. He had stolen Darren’s tie and worn it for his ‘Single Ladies’ dance, which was _way_ hotter than it should have been. But after that – nothing. Chris hadn’t said one word to him since the show ended, riding to the hotel with Ashley, and Darren was anxious.  

Kissing Chris on stage had been the plan all along. It was his only way of doing it in front of _that_ many people, because he was _Blaine_ and Chris was _Kurt_. He might never get a chance like that again. He had to take it. He just hoped he hadn’t fucked things up with Chris.

Chris was in the shuttle in front of his, and Chris reached the hotel first – by the time Darren was in the lobby, Chris and Ashley were already gone. Darren sighed and made his way up to their floor, relieved at least to see that Chris hadn’t tossed his stuff into the hallway.

He waved at Naya down the hall before opening the door, not caring that she saw him going into Chris’s room. He slowly closed the door behind him, watching Chris carefully, who was across the room by the window. “Hey.”

Chris didn’t turn around, and answered after a beat. “That was quite a kiss.”

“Uh,” Darren said, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I uh – look, if you’re mad – “

“I’m not mad, Darren.” Chris said. “I was just… shocked? I mean, that wasn’t Blaine kissing Kurt, was it?”

Darren walked farther into the room after kicking off his shoes, brushing his fingers along the bed. He wanted Chris to turn around, but he’d wait until Chris was ready to look at him. “No, not – not really.”

Chris finally turned around, his bottom lip bite-swollen. “You took quite a risk, doing that, you know. I mean, Naya and Heather’s – that was – staged. But you? Darren, you kissed your _boyfriend_ in front of a sold out show.”

“Fuck yeah, I did,” Darren said, grinning. He came up to Chris and cupped his jaw in his hand, swooping in for a much needed kiss, still smiling against Chris’s lips.

“You – “ Chris breathed, shaking his head. “You never cease to amaze me. No one’s ever done something like that – that _grand_ for me before.”

Darren’s heart clanged hard against his ribcage and he took a deep, shuddery breath before leaning his forehead against Chris’s. “No one has ever loved you like I love you.”

Chris whimpered softly and he closed his eyes, hands gripping Darren’s waist. “Dare – “

Darren ghosted his mouth along Chris’s jawline and up to his ear, pressing his lips softly to the lobe. “I’m not asking you to say it back – I just want to make sure you believe me. I love you, Chris.”

“I do believe you,” Chris whispered, leaning his head back slightly, giving Darren better access to his neck. “I also believe that I’m not as scared anymore.” He pulled back and cupped Darren’s face in his hands, then looked him right in the eyes. “How could I _not_ love you?” He smiled softly, causing Darren’s heart to leap straight into his throat, and then Chris leaned in for a kiss. “I do, I love you.”

“Wow,” Darren said, his voice cracking. “Wow… wow, fuck. Okay.” He blinked rapidly and tried to focus back on Chris’s face but his whole body – mostly his heart – was doing really fucking weird squirmy things.

Chris laughed and pulled Darren into a hug, pressing his lips to Darren’s neck. “Hey, Darren?”

Darren hummed happily, his whole body just buzzing with joy. “Mmm, yes, Christopher? Who loves me?” That earned him a sharp nudge to the shoulder, but he didn’t care – they were _in love_.

“Can I…” Chris trailed off, slipping his hands down to the waistband of Darren’s pants. “Can we go to _bed_?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

For the second time in a very short time period, Darren’s heart felt like it was stopped in his throat. He made a questioning noise and took a small step back. “R-really? Now?”

Chris’s eyes stayed trained on Darren’s face as he slowly started unbuttoning his own shirt. “This is our last night in Ireland. Everyone else is out, they won’t be back for _hours_ , and Ashley is covering for us.” He flicked another button open, the pale skin of his hairless chest revealed. “I think we should take advantage of it.”

“That sounds like a really awesome idea.” Darren swallowed hard, sweat already prickling underneath his arms and in the dip of his lower back. “How… how do you want to do this?”

As the last couple buttons came undone, Chris blew out a puff of breath through his lips, like he was steadying himself. He let the shirt fall to the floor and reached up to skim his hands over Darren’s chest. “You have… such a wonderful ass – I’d really like to know what it feels like to fuck you.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Darren breathed, his cock throbbing in his pants. “You can – most definitely do that.” He closed his eyes while Chris pulled at both of his nipples through his thin t-shirt, a soft groan leaving his throat. “I’ve thought about your fingers, your _cock_ – inside of me so many times…”

Chris leaned in and sucked a damp kiss to Darren’s throat. “How about you get yourself naked and get on the bed?”

“Fuck… yeah, I can do that,” Darren said roughly. He quickly pulled his shirt off and tossed it in the general direction of his suitcase and then fumbled with his pants, letting out a frustrated grunt when his fingers wouldn’t cooperate.

Letting out a playful laugh, Chris nudged Darren onto the bed. “Fine, guess I’ll just have to get you naked.”

“Works for me,” Darren said, smiling. He inched back toward the pillows until his feet weren’t dangling off the edge and lolled his head to the side as he watched Chris dig through his suitcase. “C’mon,” he begged softly, arching his hips up so his cock pressed against the seam of his jeans. “Hurry up and come touch me.”

Chris dropped a bottle of lube and a couple condoms on the bed before making quick work of his own pants, sliding them down his legs and kicking them off. “Good things come to those who wait,” Chris said, kneeling up on the mattress and crawling over Darren’s legs. His cock was tenting his boxer briefs, hanging deliciously between his thighs.

Darren raked his fingers through Chris’s hair while Chris bent down and pressed light kisses to Darren’s belly. His muscles tensed with each touch of Chris’s lips and he let out a loud sigh of relief when Chris cupped his erection through his pants before unfastening the button and letting down the zipper. “Please, just – “ He lifted his hips so he could help wiggle out of his briefs and jeans while Chris tugged them down, his dick flopping ungracefully against his abdomen.

Once Darren was finally naked, Chris hesitated before sliding his hands up Darren’s thighs, his eyes focused somewhere by Darren’s hip.

“Hey,” Darren said, propping himself up on his elbows. “Talk to me… what are you thinking? We don’t have to do this – “

Glancing up to meet Darren’s eyes through his eyelashes, Chris licked his lips. “No, I – I _want_ to. I definitely want to, I just – I want to make you feel good. And you’ve – you’ve done this, and I don’t want to – “

Darren sat up and pulled Chris into his arms, kissing him deeply until Chris gasped against his lips. “Yeah, I might’ve done this before but – Chris, I have _never_ been in love like this before, so that? That changes everything. No matter what, this is going to be fucking amazing.” He grinned and reached down to palm Chris’s half-hard erection through his underwear. “Now, I don’t know about you – but I’d really like to know what it feels like to have this inside of me.”

Chris grabbed the lube that had rolled toward his calf and went in for another kiss. “You know just what to say.”

“How do you want me?” Darren asked, already lying back on the bed against the pillows. He spread his legs, giving Chris an excellent view of his cock and balls.

Chris hummed and ran a finger over Darren’s dick, causing it to flex in response. “Let’s try it like this?”

Darren shivered as Chris continued to play with his cock, his fingers lightly brushing over the head and down the shaft. “Quit teasing,” he whined, grabbing a pillow and shoving it under his pelvis. He planted his feet on the bed and tilted his hips up further.

“Okay, okay,” Chris said, laughing. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Darren’s inner thigh, and when it looked like Chris was going to sit back up, he continued kissing, heading toward Darren’s balls.

“Oh fuck,” Darren groaned. “Chris – “

A soft lick to his sac distracted Darren from the snick of the lube bottle opening and he jerked in surprise when he felt Chris’s slick finger at his entrance.

“Mmm, yeah,” Darren moaned, closing his eyes for a brief second and settling one hand down on Chris’s head. 

Chris continued to lick and suck at the base of Darren’s cock while his finger circled Darren’s rim. “Ready?” Chris asked, giving a long lick up the entire shaft before sucking the head between his lips.

“God, just – “ Darren tried to pull on Chris’s hair, shifting his hips down onto Chris’s finger. “Go on, and come up here, kiss me.”

As Chris knelt up and crawled over Darren’s body, he slid his finger inside, slowly at first, then faster, until the last knuckle met Darren’s ass. “Wow, okay,” he said, looking down at Darren with bright eyes, cheeks flushed with arousal.

Darren cupped Chris by the back of the neck and pulled him in for a hard, messy kiss. He panted against Chris’s lips and let out a soft moan. “Just – add another? I can take it. Then fuck me with them. _Fuck_ , want you to stretch me.”

Chris bit his bottom lip and nodded, pushing against the rim with another slick finger. Once it gave way, he dropped his head to Darren’s collarbone and started leaving slack-mouthed kisses against the sweaty skin while his fingers moved in and out of Darren’s body. “Shit, you – you feel so good – just around my fingers. Dare – “

Darren grabbed his cock and stroked himself and fuck, the stretch in his ass felt _incredible_. “Three – Chris – _please_ – “

It took a second for some awkward fumbling with the lube, but then Chris was back to kneeling in between Darren’s legs, three fingers pushing into Darren’s hole. “Wow, fuck – this looks –“ Chris nudged  in a little farther and gripped Darren’s thigh with his free hand. “You’re so _open_.”

Darren’s chest heaved as he focused on relaxing. When he fingered himself he usually only used two, so it had been a while since there had been three fingers up his ass, and _Christ_ , Chris just looked so fucking gorgeous, already sweaty and flushed – just for him. He moaned shamelessly, fucking down on Chris’s fingers, one hand thrown up above his head and grasping a pillow. “Fuck – I could come from this – feels so good – love you – “

Chris crooked his fingers, massaging Darren’s prostate, and a jolt of clear fluid gushed from Darren’s cock as he whimpered loudly.

“A-are you ready?” Chris asked, pulling his fingers almost all the way out and teasing his fingertips along Darren’s rim.

Darren needed Chris – needed to feel full. “Please – _yes_ – “ he begged when Chris reached for a condom and quickly scrambled out of his underwear. “Need your cock inside me.”

Chris slid the condom on and slicked up his erection before situating himself right between Darren’s thighs again. “You’ll – tell me if something’s wrong, right?”

“Just go slow,” Darren said, panting, and tugged Chris almost all the way down against him before raising his legs to wrap them around Chris’s waist.  He reached in between their bodies and lined up Chris’s cock with his entrance, feeling Chris trembling in his arms. “Relax,” he whispered.

Chris huffed out a laugh and nudged his hips forward, the head of his cock pushing inside. “Wow – oh my god – “ he panted, planting his forehead against Darren’s collarbone. He managed to slide in a little bit more before he stilled completely.

Darren noticed Chris freeze immediately and swept his fingers through Chris’s hair, brushing his lips to Chris’s temple. “Hey – talk to me. What’s wrong? What happened?”

Chris grunted and took a deep breath. “If I – you’re so fucking _tight_  - if I move a muscle, I’m going to come like, right this second,” he mumbled against Darren’s skin, obviously embarrassed.

Running his hand down Chris’s sweaty back, Darren willed himself to relax. Chris’s cock was stretching him and already making him throb, but not moving was _torture_. His own dick was half hard, getting no friction at the moment between their still bellies. He could give Chris a minute – he really could. He’d just focus on the stretch of his rim – because _fuck_ , that felt amazing. “Just – whenever you’re ready.”

Chris shoved one hand under Darren’s neck and slowly worked his hips in. “I think – I think I’m good.”

“Oh thank –“ Darren started, but it dissolved into a moan when Chris started thrusting, trying to build a rhythm. It felt – so good to be full, full with Chris’s long, thick cock, opening him up, making him just – take it. He was so turned on, so hungry for more. He hitched his legs higher, bracketing Chris’s chest, letting out another moan when Chris was able to sink in deeper, brushing against his prostate. “God – god, _Chris_ – you feel – perfect – “

Chris arched his back, his eyes squeezed shut, tucking his right arm underneath Darren’s knee, the sounds of their skin slapping together filling the room. “Want to – last. Want you to come first – “ he gasped, lips parted as his chest heaved.

Darren reached down to pull at his cock and focused on the pressure in his ass, the tightness in his balls. “H-harder, just a little bit – “ He tightened his grip, jerking himself off, and his body seized – curling up toward Chris as he came, spilling all over his hand and belly. “Fuck, fuck – “ he cried out, clenching down around Chris’s dick.

“ _Darren_ ,” Chris gasped, grinding his hips against Darren’s.

“C’mon, yeah, come in me,” Darren urged, bringing both hands around to Chris’s waist and pulling him close. “Come in my ass.”

Chris bit his lip and whimpered as he continued thrusting, until he made a choked off noise and slumped against Darren, his cock pulsing through his orgasm. “I – “

Darren collapsed back against the bed, boneless and exhausted. He slowly eased his legs down, wincing when he heard Chris hiss. “Sorry,” he panted, fingers kneading the soft flesh of Chris’s ass. “Wow, Chris – I just. Fuck, I’m brain dead.”

Chris laughed and tried to sit up a bit, then hissed again when his cock shifted inside Darren. “So – was that?”

“That was…” Darren trailed off, skimming his left hand up Chris’s back and carding his fingers through Chris’s hair. “ _The_ best sex, I’ve ever had, because it was with you – I love you,” he said, arching up far enough for a quick kiss. “I might be sore as fuck tomorrow on the long plane ride home – it’s been a while, but it was so damn worth it.”

Chris’s eyes went wide and he quickly pulled out, his nose scrunching in displeasure. “Shit, I didn’t even think – are you okay?”

“Chris,” Darren said firmly. “I am – _so_ much more than okay. But I think,” he paused and wiggled his hips a little bit. “I could… probably use a shower?”

After Chris disposed of the condom and cleaned up the worst of the mess on Darren’s stomach with a few tissues, they took a long, warm shower together – washing each other, kissing underneath the hot spray of the water, running their hands all over each other’s soap-slick bodies. Darren happily allowed Chris dry him off and lead him back to the bed, but he let out a confused noise when Chris didn’t crawl under the covers with him.

“Don’t – “ Darren’s shoulders slumped when he saw Chris head toward his bags, towel still wrapped around his hips. He tried not to sound _too_ disappointed; he knew Chris had a lot of work to do. “I thought tonight maybe…”

But Chris didn’t touch his laptop bag; he dug his hand deep into his suitcase and pulled out a small cinched velvet bag. When he turned back around to face Darren, he held it to his chest, his eyes bright and shining.

“What’s that?” Darren asked with interest, sitting up against the headboard.

Chris cleared his throat and approached Darren’s side of the bed, sitting on the edge. His fingers played with the strings that were holding the bag closed while he sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth. “I – I was going to wait, to give this to you. But, after tonight – “ He turned a little and met Darren’s gaze, propping a thigh up on the bed, the towel threatening to come undone. “This might seem, silly – “ he said, shrugging.

Darren’s pulse thudded against his throat and he set his hand on Chris’ towel-covered thigh. “Just, show me? I promise I won’t think it’s silly.”

“Okay, here goes,” Chris said, inhaling deeply through his nose. He opened the bag and tipped it over, letting a thick jade ring spill out into his palm. “I – saw this, and it… immediately made me think of you. I’m – “ He cut himself off with a short laugh, his cheeks filling with pink. “I’m so in love with you, and I know – we both know this is hard. And it’s,” he paused, twirling the ring around in his hand. “It’s just going to get harder, once we’re back home. I just wanted… something. To… remind you? Of how much I love you. You don’t – I don’t expect you to wear this, or anything. I don’t even know if it’ll fit. But, this is just. A promise? That, no matter what. No matter how hard it gets – even if – _shit_ ,” he said, blinking up at the ceiling. “Even if… something happens between us. I’m always going to love you.”

“Fuck,” Darren managed, his throat thick with emotion. He leaned forward quickly, cupping Chris by the back of his head and kissed him, breath hitching as their lips moved against each other. “ _Jesus_ – fuck, I love you.”

Chris ducked his head slightly, his forehead pressing against Darren’s. “So – that… that was okay?”

“Are you kidding me?” Darren asked incredulously. “I’m wearing this thing every fucking day.” He took the ring from Chris’s hand and started putting it on different fingers, seeing which one would fit the best.

“You’ll have to put it on one that’s not so… obvious,” Chris said, giving Darren’s hand a nudge when he had the ring on his right ring finger. “And I know the green is a little… obnoxious. Like I said, you don’t have to wear it all the time – “

Darren slid the ring down his right middle finger, holding his hand out after deciding it fit pretty perfectly. “I told you, I’m wearing this all the time. This ring, on this finger?” He pressed a long, soft kiss to Chris’s lips. “We’ll know exactly what it means.”


	4. Chapter 4

_...i didn’t know there were consequences for what i did…_

When they told their friends from the cast right before the movie premiere, they all started forking money over to each other.

“I still can’t believe you fuckers bet on us!” Darren said, laughing as he watched the money being exchanged.

Kevin shrugged and put his wallet back in his pants. “By the end of the tour, it was pretty obvious there was something going on, we were just waiting for y’all to say something.”

“Well, okay,” Chris said, lightly running his fingers through the hair on the back of Darren’s head. “But… we hope that it would be obvious – this doesn’t leave this room, okay? We just wanted you guys to know, because you’re our friends.”

“Meaning,” Ashley said, leaning back in her chair, “they want to be able to run off and make out between scenes, now that they’re both going to be at McKinley this season, and they won’t have me to help sneak them around.”

Darren felt Chris tense, and he waved his hand, brushing off Ashley’s comment. “Guys, you know that’s not going to happen. Every chance he has – his nose is in his laptop.”

“That’s right,” Lea said, standing up and leaning down to place a kiss on Chris’s cheek. “Going to be a famous author, our boy.” She pointed a finger in Darren’s face. “Be good.”

*

It was a pretty fucking cool red carpet. Darren brought his parents, and when he could see Chris over the crowds – he just had to stop and stare, because – well, his boyfriend was fucking hot. When he watched Chris go in for a hug with his mother, his heart almost burst right there in his chest. She was basically their number one supporter. She always asked how _Christopher_ was doing when she called.

They got asked for photographs together, and Darren wasn’t about to turn _that_ down – it was tiptoeing on a fine line, but Darren couldn’t care less.

“We need to be careful,” Chris muttered, tilting his head toward Darren’s for another picture.

“Shh, it’s fine,” Darren whispered back through his smile. “They’re just trying to get Kurt and Blaine.”

Almost immediately after the premiere, they both received e-mails.

“Did you see this shit?” Darren asked, coming out of the bathroom with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, holding his phone up and waving it in Chris’s direction.

Chris pushed his glasses further up his nose and closed the lid to his laptop. “They make a good point, Darren.”

“No, fuck,” Darren mumbled, hurrying back into the bathroom and finishing up with his teeth before rejoining Chris in the bedroom. “You mean you agree,” he said flatly, “that we should never – that we should keep our distance, so we can’t ever have photos taken together – no matter what.”  

Chris sighed and rubbed his neck with both hands. “We knew going into this that it’d be difficult, and some of the things we’d have to do – it’s not like we enjoy most red carpets? And you hate all those cameras in your face.” He motioned for Darren to come closer and pulled him onto the bed. “Who cares if we can’t even be in the same vicinity at events? Chances are I’ll be there with Ashley, and you’ll be with…” He took a deep breath and played with the ring around Darren’s finger. “We both know who we come home to.”

“I know… I know,” Darren said, resigned, lifting Chris’s hand and kissing across the knuckles. “Joey’s going to forget he has a roommate.”

“I think he’ll live,” Chris said with a grin, reaching up with his free hand to slide his fingers through Darren’s messy curls. “I’ve been thinking about getting a roommate. What do you think about me getting a cat?”

Darren’s eyes watered just imagining it. “I’m allergic.”

Chris groaned as he stretched, setting his laptop on his nightstand and settling further down against the pillows. “I’ll buy you some antihistamines. I want a big, fat cat to keep me company when I write.”

Darren pouted, trying to sort out the tangled mess of the sheets so he could start falling asleep. “I keep you company when you write.”

“You _distract_ me when I’m writing.” Chris reached up and turned the lamp off, then yawned as he rolled over and curled up against Darren’s chest. “Don’t you dare hit snooze tomorrow. Love you.”

Brushing a kiss against Chris’s forehead, Darren closed his eyes and scoffed. “I would never do such a thing. Love you, too.”

*

They fought. Darren started to realize – it took a month or two before he would admit it – but being back at work was nothing like the fairytale they had while they were on tour. Between filming and award shows and premieres and everything else they were scheduled to do – they had no time for each other. Rather, Chris had no time for _him_.

Darren enjoyed constant movement, conversation, touch, _life,_ almost all the time. Chris, on the other hand – when they had any sort of down time, fell into a hole with his laptop and never surfaced.

“I have a deadline to meet,” Chris said when Darren asked if he could come over after they were done shooting for the day. It wasn’t the first time Darren had heard that. “I’m sorry.” Chris looked around quickly before brushing his fingers against Darren’s wrist. “I know it’s been a while – “

“A week and a half,” Darren replied, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. He understood – he really did. He just didn’t understand why he couldn’t just – _be_ there. “And you’ve been out with Ashley – “

Chris gave him a sharp look. “That’s different.”

Darren scoffed. “How is that different? Half that shit you didn’t _have_ to do… you could’ve spent the night with me.”

“Yeah, explain to me how I’m going to go a party at Kathy’s house with you and no one is going to put two and two together,” Chris said, irritation edging into his voice as he rolled his eyes.

“That’s not what – I just – “ Darren sighed and looked over his shoulder when he heard someone say they were almost ready to start the scene again. “I miss you. I know we can’t – go out. And that fucking sucks. But I’d at least like to sleep next to you? I promise I’ll let you write, no distractions.” He wanted to kiss Chris so _badly_ but the entire crew was milling around behind them and he couldn’t.

Chris bit his lip and nodded after a moment. “Okay – I’m… sorry. It’s just – this is how I get, when it gets down to the wire. I shut everyone out. Ashley has been dragging me out by my _toes_.”

 _Fuck_ , Darren _really_ needed to kiss Chris right now. Kiss the tension line away between his eyebrows. Kiss the slight frown in his lips back up into a smile. “Don’t shut _me_ out,” he whispered. “I love you, remember?”

Chris’s features relaxed, his gaze shooting past Darren when they were all called back to their places.  
“Tonight, maybe,” he murmured. He pressed his hand against Darren’s stomach, ring and middle fingers folded against his palm – signing _I love you_ – as he walked away and went back to where Kurt had been standing when they had called ‘Cut.’

Darren wasn’t going to count on it.

*

When Darren started rehearsing for _How to Succeed_ , everything seemed to get worse. He ran lines with Joey and spent time in a studio trying to get a head start on learning the dances before going to New York.  He was having a hard time remembering the last time he and Chris had had sex other than a fumbled handjob here and there in their trailers when they had a chance.

The night before Darren flew to New York, he stayed at Chris’s. Chris promised that the laptop was going to say off for the entire night, so they ordered take out and kissed lazily on the couch until Chris dragged Darren up to the bedroom.

They peeled each other’s clothes off slowly and Darren got on his knees, hanging onto the headboard while Chris fucked him from behind after opening him up with four fingers. Every time Darren got close, Chris pulled out and made him wait. Darren’s dick was leaking all over the bed, his balls ached, and he just wanted to fucking _come_ already.

He sobbed when Chris thrust in again, grabbed his hips, and finally told him he could come. Darren immediately grabbed his cock, falling to his shoulder while he stroked himself, and shouted nonsense as he spilled thick stripes of come all over his hand and onto the sheets.

After Chris came in Darren’s ass and he collapsed against Darren in a sweaty heap, he pulled out and slowly reached down to Darren’s slick, wet hole – swirling his fingers around as the come dripped out.

Darren hissed and pulled his left leg up, closer to his chest, giving Chris better access – his dick had no business trying to get hard again, but he loved having his ass played with after sex. “Fuck, you’re so filthy, Christopher.”

“Mmm,” Chris breathed, distracted as he continued to rub just around the edge of Darren’s rim. “Never thought I’d like it so messy, but – wow. That was – “

“Really amazing ‘last night in L.A.’ sex?” Darren provided, sweat cooling on his body and his eyelids already threatening to close – he was pretty sure he couldn’t move if he tried.

Chris pulled away from Darren’s ass and curled his hand around Darren’s hip, pulling him closer – his soft cock tucked against Darren’s thigh. “I’ll be there with you day after tomorrow – and through New Year’s.”

“Yeah,” Darren said, nodding. He shoved his hand underneath his pillow and pulled it closer, shifting and adjusting until he was perfectly comfortable. “But you still haven’t said if you’re going to come see the show.”

Chris sighed while trailing his fingers lightly around to Darren’s stomach. “I said I’d try. That’s the best I can do – “

Darren was glad he was facing away from Chris, because he was pretty sure his face was giving away his disappointment. He wanted to them to plan something – to figure _something_ out – flying Chris in for one night under the radar would be _nothing_. He could even watch the show without anyone seeing him. Darren just didn’t understand why Chris wasn’t completely on board with it. “Right.” He ran his thumb across his ring, twisting it around his finger.

Chris kissed the back of Darren’s neck, lips lingering against the skin, then he tucked his head and his nose brushed against the same spot. “I love you,” he whispered.

Darren’s hand found Chris’s, intertwining their fingers against his belly. He closed his eyes and cringed when he moved his legs slightly – he still felt damp, and open but his limbs felt like lead. “I love you too,” he whispered back, giving Chris’s hand a squeeze.

After a restless night’s sleep, Darren woke up just before his alarm. He was able to get out of bed without waking Chris, and he showered away the dry come and lube from his body. By the time he had finished and walked back into the bedroom, Chris was looking at him with half-lidded eyes, still curled up against his pillow.

“You’re going to be so amazing, you know that, right?”

Darren dropped his towel and stepped into a pair of briefs, pulling them up over his ass. “Still haven’t quite decided if I dreamed the whole fucking thing up.” He hadn’t had time to feel nervous yet – not really.

Chris stretched his arms over his head, groaning loudly as his back cracked. “Call me when you land?”

“I could be persuaded,” Darren said, crawling onto the bed after putting yesterday’s pants back on. He brushed Chris’s hair off his forehead and smacked a loud kiss against Chris’s lips. “See you tomorrow.”

*

New York moved differently than L.A. – if they didn’t want to be seen, they didn’t have to be. Darren could take Chris out to dinner after rehearsal without a camera phone in sight. Just having him close every night helped keep Darren’s nerves in check – something he was good about hiding with just about everyone _but_ Chris.

Chris kept himself busy while Darren was working – writing, making his own scheduled appearances, going to meetings. Christmas gave them a couple days to relax, but Darren had to go right back to rehearsals soon after.

When Chris was almost packed and ready to fly back to L.A. on New Year’s Day, Darren brought it up again.

Chris continued folding the shirt that was in his hands, tucking it neatly in the corner of his suitcase. He shook his head – grabbing another shirt instead of looking up at Darren. “I don’t think any of us will be able to make it out. I –“ He shrugged helplessly. “I’m sorry, Dare – I just…”

“Yeah, you just,” Darren said, scrubbing his hand down his face and fighting the urge to roll his eyes. The rest of the cast – he would be fine if they didn’t make it out. He knew he was only doing this for three weeks. For a quick run, not everyone could just fit a New York trip into their schedules. But his _boyfriend_ could try to figure something out.

Chris turned, his cheeks a little flushed, and set his hand on his hip. “What do you want me to say? I already know my weekends are pretty much booked solid, and we work twelve, sometimes sixteen hour days. I’ve been with you for the past two weeks – “

“Fine,” Darren said, turning around and ignoring the pang in his stomach. He’d have his family and plenty of other friends in the audience – they’d get him through. He finished helping Chris pack and didn’t ask again.

Once Chris was on his way to the airport, Darren got ready to take a shower. He’d gotten into the habit of taking his ring off and setting it on the countertop every time he showered after one near-disastrous mishap that almost caused him to lose it.

He took his time underneath the warm water – trying to let go of his frustration. Deep down, he knew it was pretty implausible for Chris to make the round trip without anyone noticing him. But… Darren was confident they could find a way, and make time somewhere in Chris’s schedule. What upset him the most was that Chris apparently had no desire to even _try_.

When he finally turned the water off and pushed the curtain aside, the mirror had fogged over. Now was when he usually slipped his ring back on – before he even finished drying himself – but as he stood there, staring at it, his heart felt heavy in his chest. By now, he had a few rings from Chris, but this one, the jade one, meant the most.

He could probably use a few days without the reminder.

He put the ring in his toiletry bag after he wound his towel around his waist, his finger already feeling naked.

*

By the time Darren’s three-week run was almost complete, he was exhausted. As tired as he was, though, he wouldn’t give it up for the world – every second on that stage filled him with such joy his heart constantly felt like it was too big for his body.

Having conflicting schedules with Chris made it difficult to communicate regularly though. They usually ended up texting back and forth – only calling on the rare occasion that they both had time free. Darren still felt a little sour when he thought about it, but every day of his run he had been visited by so many friends and family that he barely had time to think about anything else.

His last show felt different than any of the others. The whole _day_ felt different – starting with a cryptic text from Chris first thing in the morning that Darren didn’t notice until a couple hours after it was sent, and when he had tried to get Chris to explain, there was no response.

He made a valiant effort not to cry during his speech but, he had never been good at goodbyes, and seeing his family in the crowd had tipped him over the edge. His time on stage had flown by, but it was something he’d never, _ever_ forget.

It was always a race against the clock to get showered and changed after each show – to not make the fans wait too long. He usually had his dressing room to himself while he came down from his adrenaline rush and cleaned himself up. His parents were the only exception – they were allowed to sneak in while he was still making himself presentable.

When he heard the door open just as he was pulling his pants up, hair still damp, he called out, “Be out in a second, Mom.”

It was quiet for a second, and then someone – who definitely wasn’t his mom – cleared his throat. “Um, not your mom. But she let me in.”

Darren was in the middle of pulling his shirt over his head and he stumbled out of the tiny bathroom so fast he almost tripped over his feet. “Fuck,” he spat, yanking his shirt down and starting at Chris. “You – you’re here.”

Chris nodded, and then rocked back and forth on his feet. “I – I called your mom. She helped. You were… _god_ , Darren. You were born for this.”

They stared at each other for a beat until Darren gave in, crossing the dressing room and pulling Chris into a hug. “You said you weren’t coming,” he said, breathless. “How – “

Chris pressed his cheek against Darren’s temple and smoothed his hand down Darren’s back. “Turns out, when you’re in love with someone, you want to be there when they accomplish something great.”

Darren let out a wet laugh – he was still emotional from his final bow – and pushed up on his tip toes to fit their mouths together. Chris’s hands came up to cradle his head and Darren let himself get lost in the kiss – _fuck_ – it felt so good to have Chris there.

“I thought,” Chris said quietly, tipping their foreheads together, lips still brushing Darren’s. “That maybe you were still… mad at me. I saw a few pictures of you – and you weren’t wearing your ring.” He trailed his hand down Darren’s right arm and caught their fingers together – his thumb pressing against the thick silver band of the one Darren had been wearing the past few days, the one that had their initials engraved on the inside.  It wasn’t the same – his jade ring was still tucked away in his toiletry bag, he hadn’t touched it since – but he still needed to feel _some_ connection to Chris.  

Darren could hear the noise getting louder outside his dressing room – he knew they didn’t have much time. “That’s all – none of that matters anymore. How… how long are you here? I have to – I have to go out there. But my parents can sneak you out the back? And you can meet me at my place?” He pressed his lips to Chris’s again – quickly, before Chris could respond.

“I - yeah,” Chris said, his warm breath puffing against Darren’s mouth. “I have an early flight in the morning, and a late call tomorrow  – this was the only way I could sneak out here. No one even knows I’m here, besides your parents.”

Someone banged on Darren’s door – a signal that he really needed to hurry it up. “That’s fine.” He jammed his hand in his pocket and pulled out a set of keys, pressing them to Chris’s palm. “Take these, let yourself in. I’ll be there as soon as I can get outta here. And then I just have – this thing tomorrow, I think – and then I’m done.”

Chris nodded, his eyes slipping closed as he brushed his lips across Darren’s cheek. “Come home to me. I miss you.”

God, _fuck_ – Darren knew he had to go out and take care of the stage door, but he didn’t want to leave Chris. “What time is your flight?”

“ _Early_ ,” Chris said, laughing. “Now c’mon, your adoring public awaits.” He tugged on Darren’s hand and tilted his head toward the door. “Better you than me out there.” He jingled the keys in his hand. “Just don’t take _too_ long.”

*

Everything seemed – a little easier after Darren returned home. They found more time for each other… even when Chris spent hours behind his laptop screen, Darren was there, happily waiting for him to come to bed.

Since things were improving between them, when it came down to planning their suits for the night of Chris’s _8_ performance – Darren wanted to do something special.

“How about we just hold hands while we walk down the carpet?” Chris scoffed as he scrolled through e-mails. “Matching ties will pretty much be a giant neon sign to anyone paying attention.”

Darren watched Chris carefully from his spot on the couch. Chris’s shoulders were still relaxed – he could continue to push a little further. “We’d wear different colors, I just want a little something – fuck, Chris. This is _huge_ for you and I’m so fucking proud of you. Yeah, it _sucks_ that I can’t hold your hand, especially at something like this. But I want to just – share something with you. Somehow. Because this is really fucking special.”

Chris slowly twisted around in his chair and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “You’re really determined about this, aren’t you?”

“Hey,” Darren said, shrugging. “I need to… _be_ there with you somehow. If anyone is paying _that_ much attention, it’s just the fans on the internet – “

Chris gave Darren a pointed look. “Darren, that’s exactly what we’re trying to avoid. Do you even look at your twitter mentions?”

“Of course not.”

“You should probably just… keep it that way,” Chris said lightly. He squinted at Darren, tilting his head to the side before relaxing against the back of his chair. “Only if I get to wear blue.”

Darren was all ready to defend himself again – his lips parted with the words on tip of his tongue – when Chris’s response finally registered. “Wait – fuck, really?”

Chris stood and joined Darren on the couch, the cushions dipping where he sat, tilting Darren closer to him. “Yeah… I actually like that idea,” he said, leaning against Darren’s side. He took his time walking his fingers up Darren’s chest, dipping his fingers underneath the collar of his shirt. “I’m glad you’re going to be there.”

“Of course I will,” Darren said, ducking his head to give Chris a lingering kiss. “Definitely not going to miss Brad Pitt and George Clooney in action.” He waggled his eyebrows and quickly earned himself a slap on the chest. “Kidding!” he said with a laugh, twisting away from Chris’s hand.

“Serves you right,” Chris said, smirking. He soothed his hand up and down Darren’s chest before patting Darren’s stomach. “Now, I have to get back to work. You should order those ties so they get here on time, and maybe decide on dinner tonight.”

Darren pouted but reached for his iPad, anyway. “I thought this conversation was going to the sex place.”

Chris shook his head before he pushed himself up off the couch and went back to his chair. “I really have a ton of work to finish. But… maybe tonight?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Darren said, shrugging. He knew there was little to no chance of anything actually happening once Chris came to bed after working all day.

*

Darren probably should have seen it coming.

He tried to behave himself at the Academy screening, but he was seated right next to Chris, and once he got started, there really was no turning back. Even with their bosses _right there_ , Darren couldn’t keep his eyes off Chris, and although he tried to force himself not to touch Chris every thirty seconds, he failed miserably. It was futile – he was so happy to be talking about Chris and about Kurt and Blaine’s relationship. It didn’t even cross his mind that they’d get in trouble afterwards, or that Chris would get upset.

At Upfronts, they were continually caught in the same vehicle, even the one they wanted to take home together – something they usually avoided. They were getting too relaxed – they were slipping.

But it really started to fall apart when they returned from Cannes where Chris had screened his movie.

It felt cold in Chris’s house. Darren watched Chris unpack his suitcase from the doorway of the bedroom, his stomach feeling like it was filled with lead. “I’m sorry – “

Chris’s shoulders stiffened. “You can’t help that someone took your picture,” he said dully. He continued to methodically unpack, tossing the dirty items into a laundry basket.

“I – I just reacted. It would’ve ended up on the internet that I was there, had I said no, anyway,” Darren said, cringing. He knew he had fucked up.

“You weren’t even supposed to _be_ there, that was the whole point!” Chris said, slamming the lid of his empty suitcase shut. “Now everyone is breathing down _both_ of our necks because we’re failing at keeping this a secret, Darren.”

Darren floundered for a second – his chest felt tight for all the wrong reasons. “It’s fine – it’ll be fine. I’ll go out with Mia more, okay? She’s been talking about moving out here soon, that’ll – help.” He took a step forward, reaching out for Chris, but Chris held up his hand and shook his head – causing the pain in Darren’s chest to worsen, his palms started to sweat, and he started feeling nauseated.

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose, both of his eyebrows arching high on his forehead. “That’s not enough for them, and you know it. You _know_ what they think we should do.”

“So… what,” Darren huffed, feeling his cheeks flush with anger. “You’re actually listening to them now? That’s bullshit, Chris. We just – we got fucking sloppy. We’ll be more careful.”

“I don’t want to be more careful,” Chris said quietly, dropping his hands to his side and avoiding Darren’s gaze.

Darren’s heart stopped in his chest. “W-what? You – you want to come out? With… us?”  

Chris’s head shot up – his eyes wide and frightened. “No – _god_ , no. That would ruin – no.”

“Then what – “ Darren’s stomach turned sour and an acidic taste rose to the back of his mouth. He bit his lip and tried to reach out for Chris one more time, but yet again, Chris pulled away from him. Fuck. “Don’t do this, don’t you _fucking_ do this, Chris.”

“This is,” Chris started, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat, “exactly what I was afraid of.” He took a deep breath, and Darren could see the tremors in his hands from where he was standing. “I can’t – “ he said, finally looking up and meeting Darren’s eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“The fuck you can’t,” Darren spat, forcing his way forward and grabbing Chris’s hand. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want this anymore. That you don’t love me anymore – “

“Of course I love you!” Chris said, turning away from Darren, his hand falling from Darren’s grasp. “It’s not that simple – “

The bedroom started to feel claustrophobic, like the walls were closing in on them. Darren raked his hand through his hair, tugging at the strands until his scalp ached. “Not that simple?” He choked out the words, his throat feeling like it was closing up. “So you’re just – giving up. That’s it. Just because we fucked up a _little_ bit and it’s getting hard.” He shook his head defiantly. “No – absolutely not. I’m not letting – _them_ do this to us. I’m not letting them scare you away!”

Chris whirled around, his eyes brimming with tears, his cheeks flushed red. “I’m not running scared, Darren! We knew – we _knew_ this was a risk. And I’m just…” he trailed off, his shoulders slumping. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Don’t make – “ Darren sputtered, staggering back against the doorframe. “Wow, _fuck_. You’re really – Wow… “ He worked his jaw a few times.  “I guess I should’ve listened when you said that you were going to break my heart.” He spun around, digging in his pockets for his keys and his phone – trying to focus on something, anything but the feeling of his heart cracking in his chest.

“Darren – “ Chris called out, pleading.

“No,” Darren snapped, keeping his back to Chris. He closed his eyes and ducked his head, trying to suck in enough air to fill his lungs. “Just – stop. I’ll… get my things. Later. I – I have to go.” _Shit_. Half his stuff was scattered all over Chris’s house. He didn’t even care – he just needed to get out… and away.

He took the stairs two at a time, determined to leave as quickly as possible. There was no sound of Chris following him, and he had to stop to try to catch his breath once he was outside – slumping against the door and taking big, gasping breaths because, fuck. They – were done. It was over.

The drive back to his place went by in a haze. His limbs felt numb as he walked up to his door, mindlessly keyed open the lock, and was greeted by silence. He used to know exactly when Joey would be at work – but now he no idea where Joey was.

He knew exactly where the whiskey was, though.

He sat in the dark and took gulp after gulp, letting the liquid burn his throat on the way down as he stared at the shadows on his wall. He didn’t know how much time had passed before the door swung open and the ceiling light flicked on, making him squint in pain. “Fuck,” he croaked. “Bright –“

“Dude,” Joey said, turning the light back off. He entered the living room and stood by the sofa. “Whoa – you look like shit. What happened?”

Darren drained his glass, set it down on the coffee table, and collapsed against the back of the couch, blinking rapidly up at the ceiling. “Chris and I – we… broke up.”

“Oh fuck,” Joey whispered. He gingerly sat down next to Darren. “Do you want to… talk about it?”

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Darren pinched the bridge of his nose with the tips of his fingers and shook his head. “No, I – he doesn’t want this anymore.” He shrugged and leaned a little against Joey’s side. “Joe – I – “ His voice cracked, and he swallowed hard. He bit his bottom lip, his eyes burning with tears that he didn’t want to fall.

Joey huffed, rubbing his hand up and down Darren’s arm a few times. “Do I need to go talk some sense into him? Cause I’d totally do that for you, bro.”

Darren cracked a smile. “No – definitely not.” He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, scrubbing his right hand down his face. “Fuck – this fucking _sucks_.” When he felt his ring hit his nose, he winced and pulled his hand back, eyes blinking open to look at his ring. “Fuck,” he muttered, immediately reaching for it and trying to pull it off with clumsy fingers.

“Hey – hey now,” Joey said, pulling Darren’s hands away from each other. “What do you think you’re doing with that?”

Darren tried to reach for his ring again, but Joey was still holding his arms and his limbs were sluggish and uncoordinated. “Don’t want it anymore.”

Joey sighed and pushed Darren’s arms to his sides. “Stay,” he said firmly, giving Darren a pointed look. “Yes… you do. Even _I_ know how much those mean to you.”

The crack in Darren’s heart seemed to split even wider as he nodded. “Yeah.” He looked down at his hands, at the silver band around his right middle finger and he could hear Chris’s promise clearly in his head. _Even if… something happens between us. I’m always going to love you_.

“And I know you still love him – “

“Of course I do,” Darren whispered, reaching for the ring again, this time successfully brushing off Joey’s attempts to hold him back. “But… right now.” He pulled it off and closed his hand around the metal as a tear finally slid down his cheek. “It’s just too hard.”

“Fine,” Joey said, holding his palm out. “But give that to me, I don’t want you doing something with it you’ll regret in the morning when you’re sober. You sure can be a melancholy drunk, jesus.” He waited for Darren to hand over the ring before pocketing it. “C’mon, let’s get your drunk, weepy ass up to your room so you can crash on your bed. This couch sucks for sleeping on.”

Darren grunted and let Joey help him stand. “My boyfriend just dumped me. I’m allowed to be upset.”

Joey nodded and slung his arm around Darren’s waist as they both walked toward the stairs. “You totally are. You didn’t cry into your whiskey when you and Theo broke up, though.”

“Didn’t love Theo like this,” Darren mumbled, tripping as they made their way down the hallway. “Fucking rug.”

Once they reached his room, which felt cold and empty, Darren nudged Joey to the side and started fumbling his way out of his clothes. He barely slept there anymore – in fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d spent the night in his own bed alone. Once he was down to his briefs and under the covers, he looked at Joey, who was still standing in the doorway. “Joey?”

“Yeah, dude?”

“Do you think…” Darren trailed off, covering his eyes with his forearm. “If he still loves me – “

“Give him some time, Darren. Whatever happened between you two – I’m sure you can figure out how to fix it.”

Darren heard his door close and he rolled over to his side, his arm hitting the empty side of the bed. The way Chris had talked – the way he had said he couldn’t do _this_ anymore – Darren wasn’t so sure there was anything left to fix.


	5. Chapter 5

_…that seeing you with someone new has got me pretty curious…_

There was one  _small_  detail that Darren had managed not to think about. For a couple days, anyway.

Chris’s birthday party.

Making an appearance wasn’t the problem – they had decided a while ago that because Mia would be in town that she’d meet him there, dressed to match, and stay long enough to take some photos before escaping to the party she was actually going to attend. He was an adult; he could handle seeing his ex-boyfriend for the first time since their breakup barely a week ago and be civilized about it.  

For the first twenty minutes of the party, Darren did just fine. Then he got a good look at what Chris was wearing. Chris looked – really good. Darren wasn’t prepared to see him in such short shorts and a sleeveless shirt because –  _fuck_  – Chris never wore stuff like that in public. As soon as their quick group photo-op was over with and he made sure Mia was in back in her rental car safely, Darren made a bee-line to the liquor.

“Fuck,” he muttered, slamming back a shot. He should leave – he didn’t need to be there anymore. Chris looked happy enough… he didn’t want to ruin that.

“Hey, dude.”

Darren startled at the sound of Max Adler’s voice and turned around. If there had been a drink in his hand, he would’ve spilled it. “Oh, hey.”

“Chris can throw quite a party,” Max said, sounding impressed as he leaned on the bar beside Darren, waiting his turn.

Darren looked out at the crowd, not really looking at anyone in particular, and nodded. “Yep.”

Max ordered two drinks then nudged Darren with his elbow. “You doin’ okay? You look a little – oh hey, birthday boy!”

Darren glanced up and saw Chris approaching them, his shirt pulled tight across his chest, his styled hair kept off his forehead by his black sweatband. “Shit – I think I see – “ Darren tore off in the other direction, ignoring when Max called out his name.

He figured he’d made enough of an appearance that he could get away with leaving, but every time he tried to make his way toward the door, someone stopped him to talk. Most of them he only vaguely knew because they were friends of Chris’s – but none of them knew that he’d  _just_  gotten out of a year-long relationship with Chris and had no desire to still be at the party.

“Were you going to leave without saying goodbye? Or hello?”

Darren turned around at the sound of Chris’s voice – he had  _almost_  reached the exit – and scrubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Uh – you looked like you were having a pretty good time out there. I was just gonna – “ He made a jerky motion with his head toward the door and shrugged.

Chris’s posture deflated and he stepped closer to Darren. “You, um. I like your costume – “

Up close, Darren could see the slight swelling under Chris’s eyes from obvious lack of sleep, the fake smile he was trying to keep in place – but none of it made him feel any better. “Look, Chris… we don’t have to do this – small talk, I mean. I was just going to head out.”

“Right,” Chris said, nodding. He bit his lip and glanced back over his shoulder at the party. “Well um…” he trailed off, rocking back on his heels. “I guess I’ll see you…”

“Yeah,” Darren said, clearing his throat. “I’ll come by this week to… get my stuff and drop off my key.”

“You don’t – “ Chris’s face fell and he looked behind him again, but there was no one within hearing distance of them. “You can keep your key… I gave it to you before – “

They were interrupted by a loud shout of Chris’s name, which spooked Chris into spinning around and gave Darren the opportunity to slip out. He took a deep, calming breath as soon as he was outside, thankful he hadn’t stayed longer because otherwise he would’ve definitely had more than just that one shot when he first arrived and would not have been able to drive himself home.

As soon as he got to his car, the first thing he did was grab his phone. He knew Chris wouldn’t have his on him – no room in those tiny shorts. He just needed to get this out of the way. But, before he started typing, he glanced farther up the screen and saw the last few texts they had exchanged.

 **From Chris:**   _Found those sandwiches you like! I’m on my way. I love you._

**From Darren:** _Love you too:)_

Both texts were from their last day in France, when Darren had been waiting at the hotel for Chris to bring back dinner.

Darren stared at the screen for longer than he cared to admit, his throat feeling painfully tight. He was good – well, he spent a lot of time convincing himself he was good. It was just those little reminders that broke his resolve. He’d feel a lot better once he got all his stuff back from Chris’s house.

**From Darren:** _I’ll be by on Tuesday morning to pack up my stuff. If you’re not there I’ll just let myself in and lock up on my way out._

He didn’t expect a response, and didn’t get one before he went to sleep. There was one when he woke up, though – sent at three thirty in the morning.

**From Chris:** _I’ll be home._

*

The things that had made their way over to Chris’s included various items of clothing, one of Darren’s guitars, a handful of toiletries, and a few notebooks. Nothing Darren couldn’t fit into his car and take home in one trip. He wondered if Chris would have it all packed up and ready for him. That would definitely make things a lot easier on the both of them.

When he made it to Chris’s house, for the first time in over a year, he knocked. While he waited for Chris to open the door, he worked the extra key off his chain. He had just popped it off when the door swung open, revealing Chris, clad in jeans and a t-shirt with a stoic look on his face.

They stood there, staring at each other for a moment before Chris stepped aside and waved Darren in. “I wasn’t sure, uh. Exactly what time you’d get here, but I’ve put most of your stuff together…” He blew out a breath and pointed toward the corner of his living room, where Darren’s guitar was leaning, along with a box full of clothes and some notebooks. Brian was nowhere to be seen. “You’ll probably want to check the bedroom again, just in case.”

“Okay, so,” Darren said. He held out his hand and waited for Chris to do the same before dropping the key in Chris’s palm. “Here’s that, I’ll be out of your hair in no time.” He scratched at his beard and glanced toward the stairs. “I’ll be right back down.”

Chris’s face twisted into a grimace as he stared down at the key in his palm. “Dare – “ he cleared his throat and frowned. “Darren, I – I don’t need this back. You can keep it.”

Darren shook his head and brushed past Chris. “None of your other coworkers have a key to your house. I shouldn’t have one, either.” He jogged up the stairs, focusing on finding anything Chris had overlooked, and tried not to think about what had happened just a week ago in the same bedroom.

He found a couple of his notebooks in the drawer of the bedside table on… what used to be his side of the bed. After a cursory glance through the closet, he saw that Chris had pulled out all of his clothes, which just left his drawer of the dresser.

Chris had never intentionally meant to give Darren a drawer – it just sort of… happened. Every time one of them did laundry, more and more of Darren’s clothes ended up in the wash, and he needed somewhere to put it all.

Well, now Chris could stop thinking about buying a bigger dresser. He had his drawer back.

Darren piled up his random socks, underwear and t-shirts on the bed before heading to the bathroom to grab anything that was left there. He didn’t even notice Chris had come upstairs until he walked back into the bedroom, his hands full of shaving items, and saw Chris standing in the doorway. “Oh… hey. I’ll be out of here in a sec. Just about done.”

“I’m not rushing you,” Chris said, looking at Darren with sad eyes. “It’s been… lonely. Without you here.”

 “Yeah, well,” Darren scoffed. “You have Brian.” He set his shaving kit down with his clothes so he could dig something out of his pocket. “Before I go…”

Chris stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned against the doorframe. “Darren – “

Darren just wanted to get the hell out of there. There were too many memories – good and bad, now – in that bedroom and he just needed to move the fuck on. “I’m just going to set this here.” He couldn’t look at Chris while he placed his jade ring on the top of the dresser, could barely control his own breathing, his lungs squeezing tight in his chest.

“No, no – “ Chris choked out, stepping toward Darren. “You can’t – you cannot give that back.”

Darren clung to the dresser, his fingertips just barely touching the ring, and looked up at Chris’s wide, reddening eyes. “I can’t keep this one – I’m… sorry.”

Chris placed a tentative hand on Darren’s, the first time they’ve touched since they’d broken up. “Remember what I told you when I gave that to you?”

“Yeah, and I…” Darren said, sucking in a deep breath. “I can’t have it around right now. If you ever want me to… have it again, then I’ll take it back, but for now…” He shook his head and looked past Chris’s shoulder.

Chris was silent for a moment, his skin cold against Darren’s. “I meant what I said… every single word of it.”

Darren nodded and pulled away, busying himself with gathering his things off the bed. “I know.”

“Why does this feel like we just broke up all over again?” Chris whispered.

Darren shook away the tears that were threatening to blur his vision and licked his lips, clearing his suddenly dry throat. With his arms full, he turned to Chris. “I’m sorry.”

Chris nodded sadly, let Darren pass, and followed him back down the stairs. He quietly helped Darren carry his belongings out of the house and after Darren closed the car door, all of his stuff in either the trunk or his back seat, they looked at each other helplessly. “Um, well – “ Chris started, fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt.

“Yeah,” Darren said, nodding, and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “I guess I’ll… see you.” He rounded the car and just as he was pulling the driver’s side door open, Chris called out his name. “Yeah?” he asked, looking up and over the roof.

“I – “ Chris took a hesitant step forward, but then shook his head and stepped back. “N-never mind. Yeah, I’ll see you.”

Darren hated that it felt like there was some deep chasm between them – but he wasn’t the one who called it off. He gave Chris a small, polite wave and finally got into the driver’s seat. By the time he started the engine and put the car in reverse, Chris was already back in his house with the door closed.

*

As time wore on, and Darren kept busy outside of work, he started to feel better. Not perfect, but better. When they had started filming again, it had been… difficult, but they were professionals. They did their jobs, and then went their separate ways. Soon they were on different sets and didn’t have to see each other as much, so it was a little easier.

Unless it was a conversation directly involving work, they didn’t really talk at all, but there were hints here and there that helped convince Darren that Chris maybe wanted to, soon.

It took some time, but Darren started noticing Chris glancing his way across the commissary on their downtime, and when they were all seated together during lunch and he and Chord were busy telling a joke or a story, he’d look toward Chris, to find him laughing along with everyone else – and it had been so long since Darren had heard Chris laugh. When Chris noticed that Darren saw him, he’d look away and his cheeks would turn red – it was almost like they were schoolboys with crushes all over again.

It felt… sort of good. Darren thought that – maybe things with Chris were heading in a positive direction.

Until Halloween.

Darren was really fucking excited about Halloween. Joey’s costume was down-right ridiculous and he knew there’d be paparazzi everywhere at Matt’s party, so he and Mia planned pretty kickass outfits. He didn’t mind matching with her – she hadn’t even seen  _Moonrise Kingdom_ , so he sent her a screenshot of what she needed to find. All of his stuff was already ordered and on its way – he was most excited about his hat and the toy gun he going to parade around with all night.  _So_  badass.

He had heard through the grapevine that Chris’s costume was killer, and even though he was kinda bummed that he didn’t get a chance to help out with it like he had the previous year, he was pretty pumped to see him and maybe spend some time together at some point in the night.

Once they arrived and had made it through the line of cameras, Mia saw a few friends of hers and split off, while Darren got himself a glass of whiskey and waited for Chris to arrive.

He got caught up in a large group, filled with mostly other castmates, some crew, and some people he had just met. After a few minutes he noticed Naya looking past his shoulder with a raised eyebrow and he had to turn around to see what she was staring at.  

Chris had finally joined the party, with Ashley. And another guy.

“Fink’s got a new man?” Naya whisper-shouted in his ear.

Darren was about to respond, when the guy leaned into Chris’s space, making him laugh – clearly  _not_  there with Ashley. Darren’s heart felt like it fell to his stomach. He had no idea Chris had… met anyone new. Not one  _single_  fucking clue. There was no way he could’ve known – after all, despite glances, the laughs – they still weren’t  _actually_  talking.

“Oh, well – good… for him,” Naya said, wrapping her hand around Darren’s bicep. “You good? Need more whiskey?”

Darren turned to her, and plastered on a smile. “I need a  _fuck_  ton more whiskey.”

Luckily, it was such a huge party, and he didn’t see Chris – or Mia, for that matter – for the rest of the night. He felt warm and glassy-eyed by the time he stumbled out to meet his driver… he had almost completely forgotten about what had happened until he got home, fell into bed, and checked his texts.

 **From Chris:** _Not everything is what it seems_.

Darren squinted at the screen and tossed his phone back down on his nightstand. He was still far too drunk to figure out what the fuck Chris was talking about – maybe his brain would work better in the morning, once his hangover cleared.

*

After Halloween, when Darren saw Chris, it felt like they were walking on eggshells around each other. Darren didn’t know what to say or ask, and Chris still wasn’t saying much other than what needed to be said for work. Darren was really fucking confused, but he wanted to know what was going on, especially after he overheard Lea talking with Naya about ‘the new guy in Chris’s life.’

**From Darren:** _You never explained what your text meant the other night._

**From Chris:** _What text?_

**From Darren:** _The one where you told me that not everything is what it seems._

**From Chris:** _Oh, that one._

**From Darren:** _So, not everything is what it seems, but it seems like you have a new boyfriend._

**From Chris:** _Yeah, exactly._

**From Darren:** _Dammit, Chris. Talk to me._

**From Chris:** _What would you like me to say?_

**From Darren:** _I don’t know, it would’ve been nice to know about this guy ahead of time._

**From Chris:**   _I’m sorry. It’s all very new._

**From Darren:** _I miss you._

**From Darren:** _Fuck, sorry._

**From Darren:** _I miss talking to you._

**From Chris:** _Me too._

**From Chris:** _(to both)_

**From Darren:** _Nothing saying we can’t start talking again._

**From Chris:** _We could try._

**From Darren:** _We’re not doing too bad right now._

**From Chris:** _No. It’s a start._

**From Darren:** _Maybe have lunch together sometime?_

**From Chris:** _I like the sound of that._

*

When it came time to film in New York again, Darren was pretty fucking stoked. He hoped that spending a long day together would finally prompt Chris to really talk to him – more than just the few stilted text conversations they’d had because  _fuck_ , Chris was one of his best friends. If that was all he could have of Chris right now… he’d sure as hell take it.

He was one of the first ones to arrive at the ice rink, and it had been a while since he’d skated. He took a few slightly wobbly practice laps, still feeling a little rusty, but it wasn’t long before his body started remembering what to do.

When Chris arrived, it was obvious he didn’t have much of a clue about skating – but he was in good spirits. It didn’t take much for him to start laughing along with Darren and Darren felt so fucking good. He wanted to be the one to guide Chris, to help him, but there were so many cameras and phones the only thing he could do was skate beside him and let him practice.

“When did you get so good at this?” Chris asked, panting as he struggled to stay upright.

Darren fought to keep his arms down, to not immediately grab Chris when he started to wobble. “Michigan winters.”

Chris regained his balance and rolled his eyes. “Of course, you’re the asshole who is good at  _everything_.”

Darren laughed and his belly filled with warmth – all of the awkward tension that usually filled the space between them seemed to be slipping away. “This feels… good,” he said just loud enough for Chris to hear him, then turned around and skated backwards in front of Chris.

Chris gave Darren a smile and nodded. “It does.”

They goofed around with Zach and Adam, and Darren filmed a bunch of shit with his phone – even took time to make Chris pose for him, because fuck, Chris was being so… carefree with him. Darren wanted to remember it, just in case it went to how it had been after they flew back home. Chris needed more practice skating than Darren did, but Darren wasn’t going to just leave him out there on his own – fuck that, he wanted to spend as much time with Chris as he could.

After they were finally done on the ice, Darren was halfway to sitting his ass down so he could finally get back into normal shoes when Chris stopped him. “What?” He straightened back up and noticed Chris was trying to pull his phone out of his pocket, his glove hanging out of his mouth.

Chris tapped on his phone a few times before flagging down a crew member and handing it to her. “Can you take a picture of us? And make sure to get our full bodies, with the skates. Thanks!”

“Sure, no problem!” she said, holding Chris’s phone upright and taking a few steps back.

Darren must’ve had a completely dumbfounded look on his face – because Chris never took pictures while he was at work, and especially not with Darren. Someone must’ve slipped something into Chris’s Diet Coke. Or it was the New York air.

“Darren,” Chris said, nudging him. “Pose, or something. I’m going to tweet this – I survived this many hours in skates without breaking something. It deserves to be commemorated.”

Darren struck some sort of pose that sort of matched Chris’s – then immediately after the picture was taken, had to sit down. “You’re actually… going to tweet that?”

Chris already had his glove back off and was tapping away at his phone again. “Mhm, just did. It’s a pretty cute picture of you,” he said with a smile. After tucking his phone back in his pocket, he swayed and his arms flung out to his sides immediately for balance as he took a few steps to the bench so he could sit down, too.

“What…” Darren said, baffled, and started unlacing his skates. “What has gotten into you?”

Shrugging, Chris ducked his head so he was looking down at his skates, but his cheeks were a little redder than they had been a minute before. “Impulse? Pain-induced delirium?”

Darren let out a groan when he pulled his right skate off, flexing his toes a few times. “Fuck, that feels good.” He darted his eyes toward Chris and caught him staring at his mouth. “You aren’t a very impulsive guy.”

“Yeah, shit,” Chris mumbled, averting his eyes and quickly tugged off both of his skates. “Let’s go with delirium.”

Darren couldn’t even take two seconds to figure out what the fuck was going on, because Adam was calling them over for their next scene. Between hair and makeup touch-ups and take after take, he sure as hell didn’t get a chance to ask Chris, either.

When they finally wrapped for the night, Darren lost track of Chris. He knew there were some fans that had been there all day – he wanted to change as fast as he could so he could go say hi to them. He didn’t know why he didn’t expect to see Chris when he opened the trailer door – since they only had one trailer – but he was startled, nonetheless. “Wow, hey. Found you.”

Chris had his own shirt on, and was hanging Kurt’s coat up. “You found me,” he said, then yawned.

Darren quickly realized their dilemma, that Chris still had to finish changing, and Darren hadn’t even started. “Do you want me to – “ He twisted back toward the door, his hand on the handle.

Chris hesitated before shrugging. “Only if it’s going to make you uncomfortable.”

Darren let out a pained noise and ran his hand over his face. “Chris, if I stay while you finish changing, after how things felt between us tonight – I am  _really_  going to want to touch you…”

“What if I want you to?” Chris whispered.

“Fuck,” Darren rasped before closing his eyes, his pulse racing against his throat. “We… we can’t – you’ve barely talked to me in months. I don’t understand – “

“Right, you’re… right,” Chris said stoically. “I’ll just… finish in the back.”

Darren blinked his eyes open and watched Chris gather up the rest of his clothes before moving to the other end of the trailer. He couldn’t even wrap his mind around what had just happened, so he quickly started shedding his layers, folding them neatly into a pile for wardrobe to pick up, and then changed back into his street clothes.

Chris was clearly stalling back there, so Darren grabbed his backpack and headed toward the door. “Okay well, I’ll… see ya,” he called. He actually had no idea what Chris’s plans were, if he was flying back soon or staying in the city.

“Yeah, see you.”

Darren shrugged and went outside to find the fans that had waited. He immediately started chatting and taking pictures – completely ignoring when his phone buzzed in his pocket with a text. Whoever was texting him could wait until he was done talking to the folks who had braved the cold.

Once he had made sure he’d met everyone, Darren waved goodbye and was ushered into his waiting car. He let out a long groan when he settled against the seat and tugged his phone out of his pocket to check his messages.

**From Chris:** _I’m in room 826._

“Fuck,” Darren said under his breath and stared at the screen until it turned black. He couldn’t deny that it had felt – really good all day to laugh and play with Chris, almost like old times, but Darren ached to touch Chris again. To kiss, to feel, to  _fuck_ … Darren missed it all, and he knew he probably shouldn’t – because he didn’t know what was going on.  

There was one way to find out.

After he arrived at the hotel, instead of going up to the sixth floor where his room was, Darren pressed the button for the eighth floor, his body tight with nerves. He found Chris’s door easily enough and knocked, not surprised at all when it only took a few seconds for Chris to answer.

“Hey, um,” Darren said and followed Chris into the room. He set his backpack on the floor. “Chris – “

“Darren –“ Chris said at the same time, turning around to face Darren, a flush set high on his cheeks.

Darren shook his head slightly and gestured with his hand. “You first.”

“I – “ Chris started, then let out a whimper before he took two steps forward, cupped Darren’s face in his hands and crashed their lips together.

Darren stood there, stunned for a split second, his hands frozen at his sides before his brain kicked into gear and he grabbed Chris by the hips and started kissing back. Deep, soul-grabbing kisses that he got completely lost in until his back hit the wall. “Mmph – wait, wait – “ he said, panting. He tilted his head away, but held Chris close and kept his eyes closed. “I’m not… I won’t – fuck, I can’t be the other guy, Chris. I won’t turn you into a cheater.”

“You wouldn’t,” Chris said, nuzzling against Darren’s jaw. “It’s complicated, but you’re not… I promise.”

Darren still didn’t quite understand, but he trusted Chris. He winced when Chris tried to slide his fingers back into his hair. “Yeah I… came right up here. I still need to shower.”

“We could…” Chris trailed off, dropping his hand to the collar of Darren’s shirt, tracing the fabric there with his fingers. “We could take one together?” he asked.

“Shit… yeah,” Darren said, because he wasn’t about to turn that down. He followed Chris into the bathroom and leaned against the counter while Chris fiddled with the nozzles and adjusted the showerhead. “Can I ask something?”

Chris’s posture stiffened and he pulled the shower curtain shut, leaving his back to Darren. “Yeah, go ahead.”

Darren pushed off from the counter and came up behind Chris, resting his hands on Chris’s hips. “What… changed? We haven’t talked in – months and now… today – “

Chris turned in Darren’s arms and searched Darren’s eyes before leaning down and pressing their lips together. “I’ve missed you… I miss you so much, all the time and I – “

Darren cut him off by kissing him again then grabbed his shirt by the hem to tug it up and off. “Missed you, too.”

They traded kisses between getting undressed, and Darren stepped into the shower first, pulling Chris into his arms after Chris joined him. The press of Chris’s naked, wet skin against Darren’s own again felt like an awakening to all the nerves in Darren’s body.

“ _Yeah_ , Chris,” Darren panted, sinking his fingers into Chris’s hair and pulling Chris’s mouth down against his. Chris moaned into the kiss, grabbing Darren’s biceps and nudging Darren back until he was pressed against the wall.

“Shit – cold – “ Darren yelped.

Chris pulled away, eyes wide and apologetic. “Sorry – “

Darren shook his head and tugged Chris back into the kiss, his other hand dropping down to Chris’s hip and pulling their pelvises snug together. “Don’t care.”

The water beat down against their sides as they kissed, Darren opening up his mouth to Chris’s tongue until his lungs ached and he pulled away, panting. “You feel so good,  _jesus_ ,” Darren whimpered.

 Chris moved them back to the middle of the shower, his half-hard cock pressing against Darren’s thigh. “You do, too. Want you – “

“Fuck,” Darren groaned, kissing along Chris’s jaw while the water sprayed his own back. He held Chris close, skimming his hands up and down from his shoulders to the rise of his ass.

“Stay with me tonight,” Chris whispered.

“Mmm, of course,” Darren murmured, pressing a kiss to Chris’s neck. “But first I need to wash this shit out of my hair.”

Chris laughed and tipped Darren’s head back. “Let me.”

Darren’s eyes closed and he moaned while Chris washed the gel out of his hair, his cock thickening between his legs – Chris’s fingers felt amazing. Suddenly, Chris’s hands stilled and his mouth covered Darren’s in a hungry, desperate kiss.

“God,” Chris groaned between kisses. “Sorry – you just kept moaning, and I couldn’t help it – “

Darren blinked rapidly, taking a quick second to wipe away the shampoo that was threatening to run down into his eyes before shaking his head. “Fuck – never apologize for that –  _shit_.” He cupped Chris by the back of his head, pushed up on his toes and slammed their mouths together again with a muffled whine.

Chris raked his fingers through Darren’s shampoo-slick hair, tilting Darren’s head back under the water while they attempted to continue kissing, pulling back with a laugh when a stream of shampoo ran down toward their mouths. “Okay, um. Let’s rinse you out.”

When it was Darren’s turn to wash Chris’s hair, he tried to take his time, but not long after he started, Chris winced and grabbed onto Darren’s arms for support.

“Okay, sorry – I think my leg cramps have cramps.”

Darren grimaced in sympathy and quickly finished rinsing Chris’s hair, then turned the water off. “If you want, I could give you a massage,” he murmured into Chris’s wet skin, because now that he had the chance, he didn’t want to stop touching or tasting or kissing Chris.

Chris made a low, pleased sound that went straight to Darren’s cock. “God, yes. That sounds amazing.”

When they stepped out, it took about five seconds for them to forget all about drying off in favor of making out. Darren shivered as Chris ran his hand down to the base of his cock, and curled his fingers there. “Fuck,” Darren groaned. “We’re never going to make it to the bedroom.”

“You’re right – you’re right,” Chris said with a nod, dropping his hand away. His face twisted in obvious pain when he reached for his towel and started quickly rubbing himself down. “And I  _really_  want that massage.”

Darren had almost forgotten that time had passed – it seemed like they were still happily in love and about to fall in bed without any tension between them. But as soon as Darren met Chris’s eyes in the mirror as they finished drying off, that feeling faded away – replaced by a longing that could’ve only come from being apart for as long as they had. His heart raced in his chest as he reached out and brushed his fingers against Chris’s forearm. “Why don’t you go lie down on the bed? I’ll be right there.”

He wanted to stand in the bathroom and have a slight existential crisis or freak the fuck out for a moment over  _being_  with Chris again – even if only for only just one night – but Chris grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him out of the bathroom.

“I’m just gonna – “ Chris tugged at the towel around his waist and let it drop to the floor before crawling onto the bed and lying down on his stomach with a groan. “Remind me to never film an ice skating scene again.”

Darren was so distracted by the sight of Chris stretched out on the bed that he almost forgot what he had said he was going to do. He blinked out of his stupor and shed his own towel, his cock bobbing in between his legs while he approached the bed. “We had a lot of fucking fun, though,” he said, then hesitated.  “Should I – “

Chris folded his arms under his head and looked back at Darren with soft, but amused eyes. “Get over here, Dare.”

Hearing Chris use that nickname made his belly swoop with happiness and arousal, so Darren climbed up on the bed and sat down in between Chris’s legs near his feet. He gently bent Chris’s left leg at the knee and started rubbing the arch of Chris’s foot. “Feels good to touch you again,” he said quietly.

Chris let out a deep moan, his arms sliding out to his sides. “Feels good to  _be_  touched again.”

Darren slowly worked his hands down to Chris’s calf, kneading the muscles while Chris groaned pornographically every time Darren’s fingers hit a sore spot. Darren took his time and switched to the other foot, pressing a kiss to the arch before he started massaging it and continuing down Chris’s leg after a few minutes.

“Almost forgot how good you are with your hands,” Chris murmured, his face smashed into the pillow.

There was a part of Darren that wanted to remind Chris that he could’ve had Darren’s hands all along, but that would probably ruin everything, so he shoved that thought aside, and focused on a trouble area with his thumbs that had Chris squirming and clenching his ass cheeks. “Shit, right there,” Chris moaned.

After Darren reached Chris’s knee, he moved a little further up on the bed, spreading Chris’s legs apart so he fit between Chris’s thighs. Chris’s ass spread, revealing his dusky hole, and further down, pressed against the sheets of the bed were his balls – the view made Darren’s mouth start to water. “Fuck,” Darren groaned to himself.

Chris arched his hips slightly, grinding a little against the bed. “Yes, let’s do that.”

Darren ran his hands up the underside of both of Chris’s thighs until he reached the sweet curve of Chris’s ass, and he dipped his thumbs between the cheeks, fingertips just barely grazing Chris’s entrance. He swallowed hard, his dick throbbing between his legs. “Yeah, baby… want me to?”

Chris pushed himself up on his elbows and looked back and Darren. “Come up here and kiss me.”

“Of course,” Darren said, crawling up Chris’s body, his knees straddling Chris’s hips. He let his cock rest just against Chris’s ass, making Darren groan before he went in and pressed his lips against Chris’s. “Are you sure? You’ve never really wanted me to top before.” He gently thrust his hips down, eyelids fluttering at how good Chris’s skin felt against his dick.

“Dare,” Chris said seriously, twisting his torso enough so he could meet Darren’s eyes. He reached up and ran his fingers through Darren’s damp hair and nodded. “I want you to fuck me.”

Darren had to wrap an arm around Chris’s chest and duck his head against Chris’s shoulder blade to compose himself – arousal was swirling so swiftly through his veins he felt dizzy. “Mmm – fuck, yeah,” he said, pressing a kiss against Chris’s back. “We – I can do that, I’ll make it so good for you.”

“I know you will,” Chris said, relaxing against the bed again. “I have… stuff, in my bag. Front pocket.”

Darren cocked an eyebrow and pushed himself up. “Why – Mr. Colfer, were you  _planning_  on getting laid on this trip?”

Chris laughed, burying his head into the crook of his elbow while he shook his head. “N-no,” he said once he resurfaced. “It’s… it’s just lube,” he said, peeking up at Darren, who had maneuvered off the bed. “Is that okay? We stopped – “

Darren froze halfway to Chris’s suitcase and looked back at him. “There definitely hasn’t been anyone else.” His heart clanged in his chest. “Have – “

Chris’s eyes widened. “No, definitely not – Darren,” he said, turning to his side, his cock very hard and very distracting. “Grab the lube and get back here.”

“Right,” Darren said and spun back around. He quickly dug through Chris’s suitcase and found the bottle, then hopped back onto the bed, pressing Chris down into the mattress and nuzzling his face into Chris’s neck. “Mmm, fuck – I missed this so much.”

Chris wound his arms around Darren’s back and held him tight. “Missed you too – I’m sorry – I can’t – “

“No, shh,” Darren said, hushing him. He started pressing kisses down Chris’s flushed chest, heading toward the swell of his nipple. “It’s okay,” he said against Chris’s skin before pulling his nipple gently between his teeth.

“Ah, shit – “ Chris gasped, arching his back. He dug his fingertips into Darren’s skin and spread his legs wider. “ _Yes_.”

Nothing mattered other than making Chris feel good. Darren skimmed his hand down Chris’s right side and grabbed the underside of his thigh, hiking his leg up so his pelvis pressed closer to Darren’s own body, the head of Chris’s cock pressing into Darren’s stomach. Darren kissed his way over to Chris’s other nipple, swirling his tongue around the raised flesh while Chris hissed and sunk his fingers into Darren’s hair.

There was so much skin for Darren to re-explore, so many places to touch, to taste, but Chris was getting obviously impatient, nudging Darren’s head further down and dropping his leg to the side. Darren laughed and gave Chris’s stomach loud, smacking kisses. “Yes, sir,” he teased, and sucked the head of Chris’s cock between his lips, making Chris gasp and buck his hips up, shoving more of his dick into Darren’s mouth.

“Fuck – “ Chris exclaimed, his fingers tightening in Darren’s hair.

Darren bobbed his head on Chris’s cock a few times – with no intent on getting him off that way – before pulling off and pressing a kiss to the head. He smiled when Chris whimpered, licked down to Chris’s balls, and pushed both of Chris’s legs up until his feet were planted on the bed. “Mind if I try something… new?”

Chris’s ass cheeks clenched then relaxed before he struggled to sit up far enough for Darren to see his eyes. “If your mouth is heading in the direction I think it is, then no – I don’t mind at  _all_.”

“Good,” Darren murmured, spreading Chris’s cheeks with his thumbs, exposing his hole. He teased the skin under Chris’s balls with his tongue, just barely grazing Chris’s entrance.

“Mmm,  _yeah_ ,” Chris moaned, and tilted his hips up, which gave Darren better access.

Darren slid his thumbs further in, the tips of both fingers brushing wrinkled skin before he just fucking went for it and licked right across Chris’s hole. It was intoxicating, right from the first swipe of his tongue. He’d never done this before – and  _fuck_ , just from Chris panting and shaking apart after a few seconds, he loved it.

He applied a few slick kisses to Chris’s perineum then licked again, tip of his tongue catching on the rim of Chris’s entrance, feeling him just barely open up. He kept licking, putting more and more pressure on the rim, feeling it soften under his tongue while Chris squirmed.

“Shit, that’s good – that’s so good,” Chris whined. He slapped one hand down against the bed and grabbed his cock with the other, little distressed whines coming out every time he flexed his hips.

Darren moaned against Chris’s skin, pushing his tongue against Chris’s hole, feeling it open up for him. When he felt the rim give, he slid his tongue inside, his eyes closing in pleasure at the tight, smooth feeling.

Chris’s thighs trembled while his feet fidgeted against the sheets. “Yeah, yeah, fuck me – need you to fuck me – “

After slowly and thoroughly opening Chris up with his tongue, Darren resurfaced and crawled back up Chris’s body, mouth and chin slick with saliva. “Jesus,” he panted, hesitating above Chris’s head, eyes flicking back and forth to try to read whether or not he was allowed to kiss Chris or not.

Chris answered that question for him quickly enough by grabbing him by the neck and pulling him down into a hard, desperate kiss. “Please – need you – “

“Got you, always,” Darren said, panting. He nuzzled against Chris’s jaw while he fumbled around for the lube and after he found it, he sat back a little to slick up his fingers.  “Want to make it so good for you,” he said hoarsely as he trailed a single finger around Chris’s hole before pushing inside with almost no resistance.

“Oh, mmm,” Chris moaned, his hand returning to his cock, slowly stroking it. “Another – want to feel you.”

“Fuck,” Darren grunted. He pulled almost all the way out and lined up his middle finger, then watched as both of them sunk into Chris’s body, Chris’s rim tight and snug around him. Darren’s cock had softened a little from lack of friction but he was so focused on Chris that he barely noticed. “Fuck, you look so good, taking me, opening up for me.”

“Just – “ Chris gasped, then heaved a deep breath when Darren brushed against his prostate. “Just imagine when it’s your cock –  _shit_  – do that again.”

Darren smirked and rubbed his fingertips against the swollen gland again, eliciting a deep groan from Chris, and a jolt of precome from the tip of Chris’s dick. “Ready for three?”

Chris squeezed his eyes closed and nodded. “Yes –  _please_.”

Quickly applying more lube, Darren slicked up a third finger and slowly pushed all three in, watching Chris’s face for any discomfort. He was still so fucking tight, the grip of his rim so strong around Darren’s knuckles – he couldn’t wait to feel that around his cock. After he felt Chris relax and loosen, he started thrusting his fingers, soothing Chris’s jerky hip movements with his free hand.

Chris reached down and covered Darren’s hand with his own, curling his fingers around Darren’s palm before pulling Darren toward him. “C’mere, kiss me – please kiss me.”

Darren went where he was tugged after he carefully slipped his fingers out of Chris’s body. He held himself up on his left forearm and immediately dipped down, claiming Chris’s mouth in a heated kiss. He moaned into it, pushing his tongue past Chris’s lips.

Chris cupped Darren’s face with both hands, his mouth working against Darren’s, his hips twitching up toward Darren’s body, brushing their cocks against each other. His breath hitched and he pulled away from the kiss, his chest heaving as he tilted Darren’s forehead down against his own. “Darren, I lo– “

Chris didn’t even need to finish saying it, Darren felt it. “I know,” Darren whispered, and kissed Chris again, this time sweet and soft. He reached for the lube again and slicked up his cock, giving himself a few pumps until he was back to full hardness. “Shit,” he groaned, dropping his hips back down between Chris’s legs. He lined his dick up with Chris’s entrance and looked up at him.

“C’mon – “ Chris urged and grabbed at Darren’s arms. “Fuck me.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Darren hissed, tilting his hips forward until the head of his cock pushed past the first ring. A burst of air passed through his lips and his hips twitched, wanting to go faster. “Fuck,  _fuck_  – “

“Oh, god – “ Chris gasped, fingertips pressing harder into the muscle of Darren’s arms. “God – you feel so big – “

Darren let out a short, incredulous laugh and slowly pushed in further, Chris’s slick rim stretching around his dick. He groaned and buried his face in Chris’s sweaty neck as he sunk in all the way, balls snug against Chris’s ass. His entire body felt like it was pulsing with arousal – like he could come from Chris touching him  _anywhere_. “Fuck – can I – “

Chris wound his arms around Darren’s lower back, holding him tight, and rocked his hips back. “ _Ah_  – yeah – “

Darren grunted and started slowly snapping his hips. “You’re amazing, missed you so much, missed your body – “

Chris kept one hand where it was and trailed the other down to Darren’s ass. “Me too, m-me too. Shit, mmm – you feel so good, I’m so full,  _god_  – “

Darren already felt breathless, lungs tight, heat flaring tight in his belly while he pushed Chris against the mattress with every thrust, the sound of their skin slapping together filling the room. “Oh fuck,  _fuck – “_

“Don’t stop – “ Chris cried out, flinging one hand above his head to press against the headboard. “ _Fuck_  me – “

Darren could feel the tendrils of his orgasm starting to build, but he wanted Chris to come first. He propped himself up on his forearms and swept Chris’s sweaty hair off his forehead, thrusting hard enough to jostle Chris’s entire body. “Are you close?”

“Mmm,” Chris nodded, his face flushed and his eyes wild. “Y-yeah – oh fuck, right there – “

“Yeah?” Darren asked and tried to keep his rhythm steady while he reached down and grasped Chris’s cock in his hand. “Come for me, sweetheart.”

“ _Ah_  – “ Chris exclaimed, curling up toward Darren. “I’m – “

Darren felt Chris’s cock start to pulse in his hand, wet splashes of come hitting his fingers while he continued to work Chris through his orgasm. “That’s it, that’s it,” he murmured, slowing his thrusts while Chris eased himself back down against the mattress.

“Keep going,” Chris said, and nudged Darren’s waist with his hands.

“Yeah, okay,” Darren grunted with a nod. He was so close, and as soon as he started fucking into Chris’s tight hole again, he felt his balls tighten and he tucked his chin to his chest with a grunt. “Gonna come, love you – love you so much – “ he babbled.

“O – oh,” Chris said, high and breathless. “I love you too.”

Darren squeezed his eyes closed and snapped hard against Chris’s hips, stilling as he spilled into Chris’s body. “Ah,  _fuck_  – “ he said, panting while his cock pulsed inside Chris.

“Oh shit, I can feel you,” Chris said, awed. He ran his hands up Darren’s body, pulling him down by his shoulders. “Need to hold you, c’mere.”

Darren collapsed against Chris, cock still inside. “Fuck, Chris.”

“Shh,” Chris hushed, wrapping his arms around Darren’s upper back. “Stay here.”

Darren needed to hold Chris too, so he struggled for a moment to push his arms underneath Chris’s shoulder blades until they were both wrapped in each other’s arms. They stayed that way, breathing in sync, until Darren had to pull out because he was getting too uncomfortable. “Sorry,” he whispered as he shifted his hips, his soft dick slipping out of Chris’s body.

“Don’t be,” Chris said, shaking his head, one hand coming up to comb through Darren’s hair. “That was amazing.” He smiled, but it didn’t meet his eyes.

Darren gave Chris a soft kiss before curling up against his shoulder. “Is this the part where you try to let me down easy?”

Chris sighed and scratched his fingers against Darren’s scalp, which made goose bumps run down Darren’s back. “Everything is so fucking complicated right now, I wish it wasn’t – but Dare – I can’t,” Chris said, and sighed again.

Darren closed his eyes and nodded. He’d suspected as much before they’d even started, so he’d done his best to protect his heart in advance. “It’s okay – “

“No it’s not,” Chris said, cutting him off. “I just – we can’t get back together. I have… things I need to work out.” He shifted against the bed and made a face. “There’s drying come and lube all over my body but I have no energy to shower again.”

Darren sighed heavily in jest before he rolled out of bed and quickly wet a couple washcloths in the bathroom. He knew they both had a lot of emotions to work through, if they ever wanted to get back together. He just hoped Chris wasn’t regretting what had just happened. After cleaning both of them up, they crawled under the covers and turned off all the lights. “I have a flight in a few hours,” Darren said, groaning unhappily.

“You live on no sleep,” Chris mumbled, turning over on his side. “Don’t you dare try sleeping through the alarm.”

Darren smiled and curled up to Chris’s back. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”


	6. Chapter 6

_…of all the secrets they have told, at least i’ve still got you to hold…_

There was no way Darren wasn’t going to show up to Chris’s movie premiere. Of course he had received the generic mass invite, but Chris had personally asked him to come too. It was a big fucking deal and he knew Chris was nervous, so he was going to be there to support him, especially with how much better things had been between them recently. They had been talking more, slowly easing back into what felt like a decent friendship.

When he arrived, his heart was swelling with pride. He was so proud of Chris – he remembered how much of himself Chris put into the movie and Darren was just excited to see it all come to fruition.

After he did his duty and walked the red carpet, Darren found Harry and they waited for Chris.  And fuck, Chris looked so amazing in his suit – his pants were so nicely tailored that Darren was going to have a difficult time doing anything but staring at Chris’s legs all night.

“Hey, movie star,” Darren said, flashing Chris a big grin.

The photographer asked for a picture of the three of them, and Darren immediately pulled Chris in-between himself and Harry.

“A-are you sure?” Chris asked when he stumbled over, giving Darren a questioning look.

Darren nodded and leaned in toward Chris, breathing in his cologne. Chris was wearing his favorite, and he smelled amazing. “Of course I’m sure. This good with you, Harry?”

Harry shrugged and wrapped his arm around Chris’s back. “I’m fine, dude.”

The photographer snapped a few pictures before moving on to someone else, and then Harry gave Chris a quick congratulatory hug before leaving to find his girlfriend.

“Okay, what was that?” Chris asked, turning toward Darren.

“What was what?”

Chris tilted his head slightly forward and crossed his arms over his chest. “You know exactly what I’m talking about – I thought we didn’t do that anymore.”

Darren shrugged easily and rocked up on his toes. “Chris, I’m fucking _proud_ of you. Screw everything – and what about you? You’re the one who tweeted a picture of us.” He grinned and took a quick look around them. “You look pretty tense.”

Chris rolled his shoulders and shook out his hands. “Well, yeah. I mean, this is – “

Stepping closer, Darren whispered in Chris’s ear, “Need me to help take the edge off?” At Chris’s sharp inhale and tentative nod, Darren pulled away and cleared his throat. “Follow me in… fifteen seconds.” He took off and hoped Chris would listen to him.

“Wh – Darren, wait!”

Darren didn’t look back, just ducked down a hallway he noticed while he was waiting and kept walking until he heard Chris behind him. When he found a door to his left, he made sure Chris saw him opening it, then pushed inside and waited.

“Darren, what – “

“Shh,” Darren said, pushing Chris up against the door and giving him a second to react before going in for a quick, demanding kiss. “We have to be fast, or they’ll realize you’re gone.”

“Oh, shit,” Chris said, eyes widening. He fumbled with the button on Darren’s jacket before Darren batted his hands away.

“No,” Darren said, shaking his head. He kissed down Chris’s neck, unbuttoning Chris’s suit jacket, then tugged on Chris’s tie. “This is for you – I can tell you’re nervous, just want to help you relax.”

Chris swallowed hard, his chest already heaving. “We shouldn’t – be doing this. But – god, I don’t want to say no to you.”

Darren smiled against Chris’s throat, flicking the first button of Chris’s shirt open, giving him access to more skin. “If I suck you, will you be able to go back out there without looking like you just had sex?”

Chris laughed incredulously and pulled Darren back up for a long, searching kiss. “Will you be able to go out there without looking like I just fucked your throat?”

“Fuck,” Darren groaned, then sank to his knees, nuzzling his cheek against Chris’s tented slacks. “Gotta make this fast.” He went to work on Chris’s pants, opening them up just enough to give him room to tug Chris’s cock out through his briefs.

“Th-that’s not going to be a problem,” Chris said, thudding his head back against the door, and flexing his fingers near Darren’s hair.

Darren circled Chris’s dick at the base with just his thumb and forefinger, the rest of his hand splayed against Chris’s abdomen. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he flicked his eyes up to meet Chris’s before he wrapped his lips around the head of Chris’s dick, sucking him down until the head hit the back of his throat.

“Shit, _shit_ ,” Chris moaned, cradling Darren’s cheeks with both of his hands.

Darren was determined to get Chris off as quickly as possible, because he knew they didn’t have much time at all, so he closed his eyes, relaxed his throat and started breathing through his nose. He let Chris hold him by his face and snap his hips, thrusting his cock into Darren’s mouth – it was abusive as fuck to Darren’s throat, but Darren didn’t give a shit.

“God – “ Chris gasped. “Been so long – you’re so good at this – “

Darren could only grunt in response, and he could tell Chris was already getting close from the way he was trembling. He stilled Chris’s hips with his free hand, pulled his mouth almost all the way off so he was just sucking on the head, wrapped his hand completely around the shaft, and started pumping.

Chris almost buckled over, his left hand grasping Darren’s shoulder to keep himself steady. “Oh fuck, I’m coming – “

Thick spurts covered Darren’s tongue and he kept swallowing until the last weak gush splashed from the tip of Chris’s cock. He licked around the head, cleaning Chris up before he rocked back on his heels and looked up, out of breath. “We – “ he tried, needing to clear his throat, his voice a complete wreck.

Chris quickly tucked himself back in his briefs and pulled Darren up, ducking down for a soft kiss. “You – thank you. I… needed that.”

Darren nodded, and then took in Chris’s appearance. “Fuck, you look like – “ He was cut off by the sound of a phone vibrating.

“Shit, that’s me – “ Chris dug into his pockets and pulled out his phone, tucking it between his ear and his shoulder while he tried to put his pants back together. “Yeah, I’m – I’ll be right out. I’m fine. I was – No, don’t come get me. I’ll be right out.”

Darren took Chris’s phone and ended the call, then tucked it back into Chris’s jacket pocket for him. “How big of a search party are we talking?”

Chris laughed and shoved his shirt tails down into his slacks before buckling his belt. “That was Roberto. We have… negative time, _shit – “_

They were both all sweaty, and as Darren took a look around in the room he had sneaked them into… there was nothing for them to clean them up with, fuck. He grabbed the first thing he saw and started dabbing down Chris’s face.

“Darren!” Chris scolded. “That’s supposed to be a cloud; there’s no way you’ll be able to make it look the same – “

Darren glanced down at the pocket square he pulled from Chris’s suit. “Do you really fucking care? We need to go, _now_ ,” he said, patting his own face before he made a half assed attempt to stuff the fabric back in Chris’s suit jacket and started yanking the door open. “You go first. I’ll be there in a couple seconds.”

Chris put his hand on the door, pushing it back closed. He cupped Darren’s face in his hands and pressed his mouth against Darren’s, humming happily before pulling back. “Just wanted one more. Do I… everything looks put back together?”

Darren tried to straighten Chris’s tie and pulled his jacket together, buttoning it for him. “There, good as new.”

“Okay,” Chris said, eyes shining. “See you in a minute.”

The few seconds to himself gave Darren’s erection a chance to start fading, but he didn’t want to be too far behind Chris, so he shoved his hand down his pants and tucked his dick up against his waistband with a slight grunt. As soon as he rejoined the crowd, he found Chris talking with Max. Once Darren joined them, they were immediately met by a photographer.

They had gotten away with it – and that pretty made Darren’s fucking night.

*

Something had clicked after Chris’s movie premiere. It felt like they had found their footing in their friendship again. There had been more laughter, more inside jokes, and more dinners then they’d had in months. While they had both agreed after their hookup in January that, until Chris worked things out, they couldn’t do that anymore, they still talked almost daily until work was done for the summer.

Now that filming had wrapped for the season, they hadn’t really seen much of each other since. Both of their schedules had been pulling them every which way but together, and on top of everything – Darren was getting ready to go on tour. They just tried to talked and texted when they could.

Recently though, their conversations had become shorter and less frequent, and Darren couldn’t tell if his busy tour rehearsal schedule was to blame, or if Chris was starting to pull away from him again.

 **From Chris:** _Can you come over_?

Darren set his guitar down – he had been trying to do some last-minute arrangement changes before he left for rehearsal, but he still had a few hours to kill.

**From Darren:** _What’s up?_

**From Chris:** _I just want to talk to you._

Darren stared at his phone for a moment before he let Chris know he was on his way while he looked around for his key fob and shoes.

The closer he got to Chris’s house, the more nervous he became – and he really wasn’t sure why. Chris hadn’t offered any more explanation as to why he wanted Darren to come over, and ‘just wanting to talk’ could mean… anything.

When he pulled up, he slid his sunglasses to the top of his head and squinted up at Chris’s house. Chris was waiting for him in the doorway, holding Brian, so Darren took a deep breath to steel his nerves and got out of his car.

“He wasn’t happy about being in my office,” Chris said, lifting Brian a little higher. “I have some antihistamines for you – they’re on the kitchen counter.”

Darren rounded his car and made his way up the walkway, staring dumbly at the way Chris’s t-shirt stretched around his arms until he heard Chris clear his throat. “What? Oh, uh. Yeah. Sorry –“

Chris smirked and turned into the house. “C’mon, he gets heavy after a while.”

After Darren had followed Chris into the kitchen and taken the offered pills with a glass of water, they both quietly watched Brian flop out on a spot on the floor where the sun was shining through the window. Darren broke the silence by setting his cup in the sink and looking at Chris expectantly. “So, I know you didn’t ask me to come over to watch your cat sleep.”

“No,” Chris said, his lips twitching into a grin. “Let’s go relax.”

When Darren sat down on the couch in the living room, Chris immediately took a seat right next to him, tucking one leg under the other and turning toward Darren. Darren mirrored his position and propped his arm on the back of the couch. “Not that I don’t love seeing you, but why am I here, Chris?”

“I know you’re busy, but this – I couldn’t wait,” Chris said, huffing out a laugh while reaching out to grab Darren’s right hand. “I don’t want to waste any more time after it took me this long to work everything out. You’re not even on tour yet and I miss seeing you every day.”

Darren swallowed hard and stared down at their entwined fingers, his pulse starting to pound against his throat. “You’re going to have to uh, start from the beginning – because I feel pretty lost right now.”

“Right,” Chris said, brushing his thumb against Darren’s bare middle finger. “I want to do this right, this time. I don’t want to feel scared or trapped if one of us so much as breathes the wrong way. I spent so much time being terrified of it being too hard, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore. I wasn’t happy and you, Dare – _you_ make me happy.”  

“Fuck,” Darren breathed, flicking his eyes up toward Chris’s face, nodding when Chris moved in a little closer. “Chris, whatever you need to do – I just want you.”

Chris smiled and lifted his hand to cup Darren’s jaw. “The guy you thought was my boyfriend? He’s not – never was, never will be. I know it’s not easy for you to see me with him…” He tugged Darren closer until their foreheads were touching. “But I promise, there’s nothing there for you to worry about. He’s just a friend of a friend, and now… he’s what we need him to be, like Mia is.”

Darren dropped his gaze to Chris’s lips. “Does he know that?” he asked, distracted by the hint of pink tongue he could see.

“It took a few months, but uh…” Chris said, his voice trailing off in a whisper, his hand sliding back just enough for his fingertips to reach the edge of Darren’s hairline. “He understands – I just need _you_ to be okay with what this entails, because he’s going to be everywhere you can’t, for appearances.”

Closing his eyes, Darren tried to calm his racing heart. Chris was so close, his breath puffing against Darren’s lips, it was hard to focus. “I could give fuck-all who either of us has to show up with in public, as long as you’re mine again, and I can finally fucking kiss you now.”

Chris let out a sharp burst of laughter. “God, yes.”

Darren closed the gap and pressed their lips together, his hands immediately going for Chris’s waist and pressing him back into the couch. He moaned into the kiss, arousal tightening in his gut when Chris started tugging on his hair and kissing him deeper, dirtier. “Fuck, Chris,” he mumbled against Chris’s mouth while he tried to move to straddle Chris’s lap.

“No, wait – “ Chris said, dropping his hands to Darren’s shoulders and pushing him back. His face was flushed as he struggled to sit up. “Before we get too far – I have something for you.”

Darren blinked rapidly, trying to clear the fog in his head. He reached up and tugged his sunglasses off, since they were threatening to slip down his forehead, and placed them on the coffee table. When he looked back at Chris, Chris was pulling a very familiar velvet bag out of his pocket. Darren’s eyes widened and it felt like all the air was rushing out of his lungs. “I – “

Chris opened the bag and tipped it over, Darren’s jade ring falling out into his hand. He dropped the bag aside and held the ring between his fingers, eyes meeting Darren’s. “I was hoping you’d take this back. I still mean everything I said before, when I first gave this to you, but – “ He took a deep breath and reached for Darren’s right hand. “No ‘ifs’ this time… I was thinking maybe we could get you a new one – “

“I fucking love this one, though,” Darren said thickly.

“I know you do. I do, too,” Chris said, smiling. “But I was thinking that maybe, with this new one it could mean a fresh start?” He bit his lip and tilted his head back and forth slightly. “A commitment?”

Darren’s heart hammered in his chest because he could so easily see a future with Chris – long after _Glee_ wrapped, he still would want to be wherever Chris called home. “Shit, yes – “ He cupped the back of Chris’s head with his hand and brought him in for a quick kiss. “Fuck, I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Chris said, breathless once they parted.

Darren wiggled his fingers and bounced gently on the couch. “C’mon, put it on me – “ As soon as Chris slid the ring home onto Darren’s middle finger, Darren tackled Chris against the couch again. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Chris grunted and pulled Darren further down until they were both horizontal on the cushions. “What a travesty,” he said with a grin before he arched up and kissed Darren. 


	7. Chapter 7

_…everything changes now that you’re mine…_

_Epilogue_

_(May 2015)_

Darren rolled over and huffed unhappily when his arm hit the mattress. He listened for a moment, and heard nothing in the bathroom, so he groaned while he tossed the covers back and heaved himself out of bed.

“Babe?” he called, walking down the stairs while he scratched at his bare stomach, just above his pajama pants. He found Chris sitting on the couch with Brian.

Chris looked up from his tablet. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”

Darren shook his head and tucked in next to Chris on the opposite side from Brian. “Body is still on work time, and the bed was empty.”

“Feels… weird to be done. But good,” Chris said. He scratched behind Brian’s ears while he flicked through a few news articles. “Ready for this?”

Darren yawned and grabbed his phone, bringing up his Twitter app while Chris did the same.

“Well, it’s out there,” Chris said with a smile, setting down his tablet and turning toward Darren, his eyes bright and wide. “We’re out.”

“’Bout fucking time,” Darren said, his grin matching Chris’s as he leaned in and kissed his fiancé. 


End file.
